SENIOR SPOTLIGHT: ALEXANDER SQUIRES
In this corner, the kid born on December 4, 2000, standing 6’3” and weighing in at 163 pounds, the featherweight champion of crazy-sock wearing! Never will he be seen wearing a pair of matching socks. It’s Alexander James SQUIIIIIRRREEESSS!!!
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Okay, so you’ve seen him around. He is either listening to some sweet tunes on his snazzy AirPods and sporting a NEFF beanie, or hanging out in the entryway being a supportive boyfriend. He NEVER wears a coat, no matter how cold it makes Rayne just by looking at him, and he finally got back with the program and got his Vans back.
Personally, I think Alex should always be remembered as the kid who literally fooled everybody by dressing up as Dasker. Props to Dask for how he turned into Alex for a day as well, but Alex takes the cake for complete deception. I mean, he’ll be remembered for his fantastic jokes, great laugh, his classy bow ties (especially when he wore his Batman one to the Christmas concert that one time…), his swell taste in music, his heartfelt (and mocking) way of being a friend, and, of course, his awful handwriting, which I would suppose the teachers will actually probably want to forget. All those things, but mostly the Dask Dress Up Deception Day.
I have gotten to know Alex over the years. It’s kind of crazy that I can say years in the plural and that he is already going to be graduating. I think our initial bond was over Vans and Vans fives. You can’t really go wrong. Then, I was accepted into the Best Brownie Buddy club (need to know only, and those not in the club don’t need to know).
However, I think our friendship has developed most specifically over the course of the past few months in fourth period study hall.
During this select amount of time, we have argued and yelled about chemistry, agreed to totally zone out Sherman and Dasker’s conversations, developed several theories on a variety of topics, including the real reasons behind Hitler’s plans and WWII, and just as many, or more, inside jokes.
I just wanted to lay that all out. Alexander is really a phenomenal kid and I have been extremely blessed to know him and be friends with him.
So, without further ado, I will present to you the stereotypical Q/A portion of the Senior Spotlights.
Grace: Favorite pet as a child?
Alex: Well, there has only been one and it’s still the same, but he is definitely my favorite. My cat, Max (Thomas Maxwell).
G: If you had to choose, would you rather be a narwhal or a llama, and why?
A: Narwhal, cuz you’ve got a cool, pointy horn and you just look way cooler and you can breathe underwater. YEAH, breathe underwater!
G: One of your favorite memories of study hall this year so far (subject to change)?
A: Definitely Dask being allowed to go make and then eat ramen.
G: What are some of your favorite songs, and why?
A: “Fade to Black” by Metallica because I grew up with Metallica and that song has my favorite guitar riff. Also, “Breezeblocks” by alt-J.
G: If you had to choose, would you rather have pizza or lasagna?
A: Why do I have to choose? What about lasagna-pizza? But, if I had to choose, it would be lasagna.
G: Favorite season, and why?
A: December/Winter, because so many things of joy happen in winter, like Christmas and my birthday and everybody just seems happier. Except when they are driving . . . but we don’t talk about that.
G: Hot cocoa or egg nog?
A: Hot cocoa. Hot cocoa while watching the Polar Express, it’s TRADITION!
G: Favorite Bible passage?
A: “My brother is hairy,” because my pastor said I couldn’t use it for my confirmation passage and I want to use it for something.
G: Life plans/goals?
A: To become an architectural designer, eventually design my own house, have a family with one kid, fly a WWII plane, skydive, and dune-buggy race.
Some Select Memories from High School:
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In CA9, Dask and I built a killer robot with claws.
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Overall knowing Rayne.
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Some fun times in the kitchen and getting to know Mel Sydow.
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Loser Banquet Freshman year (tons of food).
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Junior Year, I didn’t have an assignment done for first hour and it was my birthday, so my mom just asked if I wanted to skip and go get breakfast. So we did and I got waffles and showed up for second hour.
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G: Finally, some advice for those freshmen you never talk to?
A: Don’t take everything so seriously; you have plenty of time to take everything seriously later. Also, treat every year as if it was your first, acknowledging that you will learn more this year again.
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Predictions for Alex’s Future:
Dasker: Living on the floor above me.
(Me: Do you have any more specifics?
Dasker: Okay, okay. Maybe living two floors above me. Oh, and living a very scheduled life.)
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Sherman: *refuses to participate in interview*
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Noah: Living in a large house with Dasker in his basement, and has three kids named AirPod, Beanie, and Vans.
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Kaitlyn: I have no idea.
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(Duh) Rayne: I see Alex designing his own house and making it ridiculously childish with a whole room full of gaming stuff and a mini fridge in each room specifically for his junk food.
In EvERYTHING
You have likely heard the passage, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might” Ecclesiastes 9:10. Doing something with all your might pushes gifts given to us by God to their limits. He knows what we can and cannot do, and using our talents to the best of our ability brings glory, which we are to give to God.
We may do different things, we may do them with differing successes, and we may do them in different ways, but nothing a Christian does with his or her life is lesser than what another does, if both are done by God, for God, and through God.
So if your talents allow you to be a garbage man, strive to be the best garbage man you can be. If you go into retail, be as passionate about what you're selling as you can. If you become a doctor, be as compassionate and knowledgeable as you can. If you become a pastor or a teacher, do so to the best of your God-given ability. In all of these things thank God for what He has given you and pray for strength to perform in a way that witnesses to His glory and power.
1 Corinthians 12:4-6 reads, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.”
By Dannie Gamble
Questions for Your Answers
(Brought to you by Yahoo Answers)
Should I start this article with a question? No, I shouldn't . . . anyway, here is more unedited internet with more questions for your answers.
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OK, so NOW what are my chances of dating Hillary?
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Can someone order me a pizza please?
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Why do some people eat their hamburger upside down..?
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Has anyone seen my cat?
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Do Irish people like chicken nuggets?
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Poll: What gives you a false sense of security?
By Grace Meyer
By Anthony Garibay
Limaricks
By Aric Reim
There once was a fellow called Foot,
Who for walking around was sehr gut,
He was useful and true,
And lived in my shoe,
Until the day that I gave him the boot.
Boredom Busters
By Kitara Mielke
With the semester only half way over but the end only barely in sight, life can get fairly monotonous. The boredom might creep in more and more as the temperatures drop.
Here’s a list of 5 things to do when you need something to do but don’t know what you could possibly want to do.
1. Stretch
Maybe you keep hearing about these yoga poses that relieve stress, or maybe you just want to impress everyone around you with how flexible you suddenly are. Whatever the reason, stretching is actually beneficial and not hard to do if you have the time.
2. Compile Jokes
Ask around, look some up, or just sit there until a seemingly funny one comes to mind. If and when they start rolling in, put them into a notebook to have whenever you need a good laugh.
3. Make a Leaf Pile
The weather is still warm enough to make a leaf pile, no matter how cold it is, because nothing beats the feeling of childhood memories being recreated.
4. Take a Walk
Get out and moving! Walking is an easy way to strengthen your muscles and keep the blood flowing. (Bonus: shout “Puppy Biscuits” no less than three times wherever you go.)
5. Make Ornaments
Even though it’s not quite December, keep the festivities going strong for a good amount of time and start decorating your room for the holidays early. Find some old ornaments (or even grab a pack of new ones) and design with glitter glue, Sharpie, or even paste some pictures on it.
Even if you’re super bored but don’t feel like any of these ideas are something you want to do, hopefully they showed you that if you just think outside the box, the ideas can come flowing in. Then, you’re too busy thinking and just like that you aren’t bored anymore.
BEHIND THE SCENES
What happens when there are actors backstage? Well, that depends on whether it is a performance, and, if not, what kind of practice it is. During the first week of onstage practices, the cast members hang out in the gym. They must remain quiet, however, as others perform. Some of their activities have included homework, card games, eating, and gymnastics. The second week of onstage practices is very different, as it is the final week before the actual performance. Cast members remain in the locker rooms when not onstage, making sure to keep quiet. Some actors watch the production offstage from behind the curtains. In the locker rooms, they talk quietly about various topics and complete homework. Good job to them all and may everyone do his best in the next auditions!
By Rebecca Durst
Veterans Day
What is Veterans Day? Every November 11th, the United States and Canada alike take this day to celebrate, mourn, honor, and remember those who died serving for our countries. In Canada, this is more commonly called “Remembrance Day.” As a tradition, Canadian citizens wear a poppy over their hearts in the two weeks leading up to November 11th. The idea of wearing the poppy has been around since 1921 when a Canadian doctor, John McCrae, inspired by the poppy fields in Ypres, Belgium, wrote a poem overlooking the aftermath that came from a battle in World War I. “In Flanders Fields” is also featured in this issue and it’s a very renowned poem. McCrae died from pneumonia near the end of the war.
Communities all over the country take part in ceremonies which draw thousands together to commemorate the loss of our fallen soldiers. Standing side by side in the cold of November, the 11th month, on the 11th day, at the 11th hour, the silence that falls over this multitude is deafening.
A sad day that symbolizes everything we stand for as North Americans - freedom.
By Megan Johnston
In Flanders Fields by John McCrae
In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place, and in the sky,
The larks, still bravely singing, fly,
Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the dead; short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.
Take up our quarrel with the foe!
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high!
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.
Some of you may have have heard about Honors Band from friends or, if you are in band, the band directors. Others of you have not and are wondering, “What is Honors Band?” Well, here I am, writing at the event, which is held in the newly built Pablo Center, on Saturday, November 3rd. I played 1st clarinet in the 9-10 grade band. This was my first year here, and it was really fun! First, we listened to the University Band play in the RCU Theater in the Pablo Center. Then each band went to its respective rehearsal, Gold band staying in the theater, Blue band going upstairs, and the 9-10 grade band moving next door. In the 9-10 grade band, we played five songs: “At Twilight,” “The Liberty Bell March,” “The Pines of Rome,” “Half Moon on the Hudson,” and “The Case of the Mysterious Stranger.” After that, each section went to learn some techniques from UW-EC instrumental teachers. As a clarinet, we learned some tips on how to reduce squeaking and how to improve articulation. Then we broke for lunch, provided by UW-EC. Each lunch consisted of a sandwich with ham, turkey, or roast beef, chips, cookies, and a drink. Soon we went back to rehearsal, as the concert was that night.
It is now after the concert, which was really fun! My clarinet squeaked only once, but no one in the crowd heard it-- at least I hope not. After we played, the Blue band played, in which my sister participated. When that group was done, the Gold band played. Both of these groups, in my opinion, played very well! While each band was listening to another, they sat in the balcony of the concert hall, along with some audience members. Professor Sullivan was even spotted among the audience!
This experience has been very beneficial for me as an instrumentalist, likewise for the others from our school who participated. I encourage those who play a band instrument to try out next year, and those who do not to support their friends who do so.
Honors Band
By Rebecca Durst
Why Cereal Bags Aren't Resealable
With the dawn of the modern age came many vast improvements in the comfort and general well-being of the American citizen, not the least of which being the ingenious resealable bag, which saves vast quantities food from becoming grievously stale. However, there remains a notable exception to the wave of the future. Why do cereal packagers refuse to include resealable bags in their boxes? The answer may surprise you.
In 1931, ninety-one representatives of the major cereal producers of the civilized world met in Oatland, California, to hash out a code of operating procedure. That was their goal on paper. In reality the conference was a political gambit performed by the man who would dominate it, General Mills, recently having taken the mantle of leadership from his predecessor, Vice-Admiral Threshingfloor.
At the banquet on the night before the conference, the Swedish delegation proposed a toast. They were promptly expelled from the premises.
When the meetings opened the next day, General Mills launched a power play. Surprising his enemies in the radical Oatmeal Sect, whom he knew to have severe stage fright and chronically weak knees, he placed them next to a poet who was drastically revising his works and asked them to recite a piece of original poetry to begin the proceedings in an attempt to make them quake or steal cut odes.
When this attack was unsuccessful, Mills resorted to Bran B, turning up the wheat on his opposition. Before Mills could cement his agenda, however, the French delegate Pierre Carbo fainted and the meetings recessed to let Carbo hydrate.
The meetings were about to reconvene to discuss the future shape of Cheeri-HexagonalPrisms when it was postulated, in an Emperor’s-New-Clothes moment, “Who cares?”
After this eye-opener, general interest in the meetings faltered and everyone just left. Unfortunately, the topic of making the switch from single-seal bags to resealable was never addressed, and the bags remained unchanged. Your stale corn flake is a victim of twisted politics and vast amounts of apathy.
By Aric Reim
D&D with Zach
In this article, I will be sharing a rather different way that some D&D players learned how to differentiate the six different character traits (Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma). It is an interesting way to help new players learn the differences, and it sometimes helps more experienced players keep them straight.
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Strength - A character’s capability of crushing a tomato with his fist.
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Dexterity - A character’s ability to throw a tomato or to dodge a thrown tomato.
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Constitution - A character’s ability to survive eating a poisoned tomato.
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Intelligence - A character knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
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Wisdom - A character knowing that you do not put a tomato into a fruit salad.
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Charisma - Your character’s capability to sell a tomato-based fruit salad.
I ended up nicknaming this “The Tomato Talk”
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Funny Quotes
A character is trying to describe one of his companions:
Character: “It’s just that your idea of fun is-”
DM: “Arson?”
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The barkeeper asked why we carried weapons on us in the bar. I said “Mimics.” The barkeeper laughed, the party laughed, the table laughed, we killed the table. It was a good time.
By Zach Strike
Cross Country 2018
The Immanuel cross country team again had a grand old time this year. Out of all 13 runners on the team, Dasker was the only senior. He demonstrated great leadership and sportsmanship throughout the season. He always cheered on his teammates and sometimes even ran extra with them. When the team ran over a beehive in practice, Dasker was the one to brave the stings and run back to warn the others. We salute you, Dask.
Coach Nathan Buck also spent his last year with the cross country team. After four years as a runner and four as a coach, he’s been part of the Immanuel CC program longer than anyone else around. For all the spaghetti feeds, entertainment, and joyous moments, we salute you Nate.
After losing two key seniors in Dan and Austin, neither the team nor any individuals made it to state for the first time in forever. But it wasn’t all bad. Wittorp and Dasker both came close to qualifying as individuals, and Wittorp will be back for more next year after securing an all-conference finish this year with an 18:19 at AC Lincoln.
Not far behind Wittorp and Dasker were the rest of the runners on the guys’ team, including Isaiah Plath, Joey Bailey, Jacob Hammond, and Ashton Loomis. There were also three freshman runners. Joel Bernthal was sidelined late in the season due to foot issues. Jonah Mueller and Austin Williams were very competitive throughout the year, and they will likely push each other in years to come. Although Jonah finished in front of Austin more often than not, that was not the case in their most notable competition, which took place at Cadott. After trailing Jonah by over half a minute at the two-mile mark, Austin came back to pass him at the last second in the sprint.
For the girls’ team, sophomore Suraya Williams was the veteran. Being the only one with any high school CC experience, she was privileged to teach her teammates warm-ups, cool-downs, and everything in between. Freshman Trinity Mayhew was the other full time runner on the girls’ team. Marnie Schaller and Lydia Kettner both found time to run with the team while still playing volleyball, and both showed great potential, especially considering their late joining of the team.
Cross country legends Sam Radermacher and Zach Strike, who both hung up the spikes after last year, were able to come to meets and cheer on their team this year. Ultra-legend Darin Lau was even spotted at one meet, supporting his alma mater. Several other fans came to a lot of the meets, even the cold ones, and their cheering and encouragement was much appreciated. Connie Wittorp won the Fan-of-the-Year-Award. She donated some great warm-ups for the team to wear to meets, and she showed up to every single meet, usually with brownies and blankets for all.
Coach Steve Sydow was his usual self. He ran with the team, didn’t allow soda, brought homemade muffins every Saturday (except for once, grrr), and gave solid advice to all. Each year he hosts a team party at his house, which should be coming soon this year. There are pizzas, video games, awards, and lawn games; a wonderful time is had by all present.
If any of this interests you, I’d encourage you to consider joining Immanuel CC next year. You are guaranteed Scooby Snacks, sandwiches, side aches, and a whole lot of clean fun.
Best wishes from your “4’th assistant coach,”
Henry Lau
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Aric Reim- my free country
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Mrs. Sandeen- my family
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Prof. Reim- salvation
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Sam Oster- the Precalc retest
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Hope Mayhew- good Precalc buddies and LAUREN
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Ben Oster- Intro to Engineering
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Joey Bailey- Ben’s ice packs
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Jacob Foeckler- my heated car
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Jillian Gamble- Thanksgiving Break
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Morgan Bobek- Jillian
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Zach Strike- Friends who tell you the things that you need to hear and not just simply what you want them to say
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Brynn Schierenbeck- Chicken Broccoli Rice Casserole, Apple Juice, and Hard Boiled Eggs
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Jadyn Karow- The fact that I don’t have to listen to Hamilton anymore
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Mel Sydow- my awesome kitchen workers
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Gabe Plath- food
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Ben Hansen- my friends
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Mark Brown-Kempenaar- you
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Samantha Schmitt- a good Christian background
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Alex Squires- food
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Lauren Gurgel- my family, HOPE, and Jesse
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Megan Johnston- warmth, health, Kevin Kern
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Dannie Gamble- my dog, Roscoe
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Levi Wittorp- hockey
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Mason Garvens- Prof G. and balsamic vinegar
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Tyler Radichel- forgiveness of sins
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Grace Meyer- personas de mi escuela
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Courtney Behlmer- all my brothers and sisters related to me and not related to me
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Sarah Durst- opportunities of friendship
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Toby Czysz- tacos
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Christian Kazemba- my existence
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Prof. Lau- volleyball video recorders
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Sherman Kettner- [refused to answer] the First Amendment
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Noah Sydow- family
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Anthony Garibay- moms
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Ryan Lang- my cats
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Scott Lillo- computers
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Jonah Mueller- ILC
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Annie Oster- Marnie
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Marnie Schaller- Annie
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Faith Kazemba- Christmas
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Alex Fleischer- my job
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Mikki Hammond- ellipsis
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Joel Kuehne- food
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Olivia Thurow- warmth
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Miranda Fleischer- my dog and coffee
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Josie Vaver- my friends
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Suraya Williams- chocolate and cheese
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Hannah Ohlmann- salt
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Marisa Konshak- sleep
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Adrie Falkenberg- éclairs
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Sarah Heinze- food
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Sarah Fox- heated seats
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Erica Oster- indoor heating
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Lydia Kettner- Jesus
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Kari Wales- loving and supporting friends
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Caleb Gantt- clean dorms
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Matt Radermacher- calamari
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Joel Bernthal- going to heaven
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Ian Behlmer- food
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Tim Oster- McDonald’s
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Ashton Loomis- you
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Kitara Mielke- ice cream
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Dwight Gantt- my tour choir partner
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Zach Sippert- my two front teeth
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Henry Lau- forgiveness of sins, and you of course
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Jacob Hammond- you and Aric
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Jared Mueller- movies
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Dasker- that I’m not a starving child living in Africa
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Prof. Gullerud- a peaceful exchange of power in our government
What We're Thankful For:
By Sam Radermacher
Joe's Toes
The Lady Lancers finished their 2018 season strong, with a record of 8-2 (2nd place!) and making it all the way to the first Sectional game against the Clayton Bears. Although the Lancers were unable to claim the victory in that match, the players all consider their season to have been absolutely enjoyable and successful.
We have decided to summarize this year’s volleyball team with the players and coaches representing different body parts. We have been fortunate enough to interview the head himself: varsity volleyball head coach: the one and only Prof. Joe Lau.
At tryouts, Joe chose his pros with his trusty talent sniffing nose (Coach Schaller). The brains of this operation (Coach Oster and Coach Falkenberg), worked through tough situations with their creative abilities and skills in strategizing. Through many highs and lows, Joe’s toes rose to the occasion many times, perhaps the most memorable being their victory on the road against McDonell, in which they secured their place as regional champions. When asked which toe is his favorite, Prof. responded by explaining how he liked each of his toes equally, except for his right pointer toe because it has a bit of fungus growing on it.
First of all, it is important to acknowledge the seniors who have finally reached the end of their journey together and must hang up their jerseys for the last time. We’d like to thank all the parts and members of the right foot (the seniors). Alexus Aichele is the big toe of the team, and when she spikes you can see why. Nicole Schierenbeck is the pointer toe, because she is often able to point out knowledgeable things. Malaena Buck is the fearsome middle toe; she is known for her deadly gameplay. Kaitlyn Berman has earned the honorable title of ring toe for her accurate serves that could pass right through a ring. Cassidy is the small pinky toe. She can leap with the best of them and is great at blocks and spikes.
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Next up we have the left foot (the juniors). Always starting strong is Brynn Schierenbeck, the big toe, being a real powerhouse of a server. Allison Schaller is quite the pointer toe, prevailing as an acting leader and enthusiastic player. Avery Quam, the middle toe, is always set and ready for action. Linsey Sydow as the ring toe can perform mean serves that send the other side running for cover. Abby Aichele is one of the best pinky toes you’ve ever seen, able to send a spike that’ll fly for miles on end.
There are many other parts of the body that are just as important as the toes. Kari Wales encompasses the kidneys, filtering out all the bad decisions and leaving only the good ones for the team to act on. Erica Oster, the lungs, is always vaulting up into the air to spike the ball down hard. Emma Miller acting as the spleen of the team is regularly fighting off the bad bacteria (opposing players) with power and fury.
Faith Kazemba’s libero jersey is as white as the teeth she represents; constantly a soul player of the team, she’s always there to receive the ball and keep her team going. Claire Schierenbeck, the jaw, is repeatedly ready to chomp a nice mighty spike down over the net. Annie Oster is the right eye, always on the lookout for promising opportunities that can get her team the advantage. Riley Naumann is the left eye, because she has proven to be quite the quickly learning pupil.
Besides the varsity players, there are also other important parts of the volleyball team. The JV team is the white blood cells because they provide backup immunity in case a varsity player goes down. The C-team is the mitochondria because they are the powerhouse of this cell. The team manager Krystal Sydow is obviously the heart of the team, an extra pump for good water circulation, constantly resupplying the energy the team needs when they’re worn out. Grace Meyer is the left elbow because as bookkeeper she often has to use it to write. The broadcasters are the mouth of the team, because they do such a good job using their voices to relay the games to all the fans at home. The fans are the skeletal structure of the team, without which the team could easily fall apart.
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COACHJOE (Head)
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COACHSCHALLER (Nose)
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COACHFALKENBERG (Right Hemisphere of Brain)
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COACHOSTER (Left Hemisphere of Brain)
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Alexus sr (Right Foot Big Toe)
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Nicole sr (Right Foot Pointer Toe)
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Malaena sr (Right Foot Middle Toe)
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Kaitlyn sr (Right Foot Ring Toe)
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Cassidy sr (Right Foot Pinky Toe)
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Brynn jr (Left Foot Big Toe)
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Allison jr (Left Foot Pointer Toe)
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Avery jr (Left Foot Middle Toe)
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COACHJOE (Head)
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COACHSCHALLER (Nose)
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COACHFALKENBERG (Right Hemisphere of Brain)
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COACHOSTER (Left Hemisphere of Brain)
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Alexus sr (Right Foot Big Toe)
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Nicole sr (Right Foot Pointer Toe)
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Malaena sr (Right Foot Middle Toe)
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Kaitlyn sr (Right Foot Ring Toe)
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Cassidy sr (Right Foot Pinky Toe)
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Brynn jr (Left Foot Big Toe)
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Allison jr (Left Foot Pointer Toe)
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Avery jr (Left Foot Middle Toe)
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Linsey jr (Left Foot Ring Toe)
14. Abby jr (Left Foot Pinky Toe)
15.Kari so (Kidneys)
16. Erica so (Lungs)
17. Emma so (Spleen)
18. Faith fr (Teeth)
19. Claire fr (Jaw)
20. Annie fr (Right Eye)
21. Riley fr (Left Eye)
22. JV (White Blood Cells)
23. C (Mitochondria)
24. Krystal (Heart)
25. Grace (Left Elbow)
26. Broadcast Club (Mouth)
27. Fans (Skeletal Structure)
By Sam Radermacher
and Henry Lau
The question is, half full or half empty? Optimistic or Pessimistic? Many different people showcase their personalities as positive or negative; it's often so easy to tell. Some of us get bogged down by the things that go wrong. We focus on why something won't work, rather than see why it's worth a shot. Others are able to see worth in every situation. They don't cry over spilled milk, but wipe it up, pour another glass, and add a squirt of chocolate syrup.
Really though, when you think about it, our glass isn't half full. It's not half empty either. “. . . my cup overflows,” Psalm 23:5 praises. So it's time to remember our blessings, to see the blessing in every situation, to thank the Lord.
How Full is Your Glass?
By Dannie Gamble
Tell Me Something I Don’t Know . . .
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Conpsiracy Edition
I have seen things that will blow your mind . . .
Okay, but seriously, I jumped into the research of things I didn’t even know people would want to make theories about. I sacrificed some of my respect and hope for humanity for this article. I sifted through tens of theories, but these ones really stuck out. Just remember, not all conspiracy theories are just theories . . .
The Jesus Conspiracy- This one states that a group of people believe that Jesus married Mary Magdalene, had one OR MORE children, and those children and/or their descendants moved to Southern France . . . This is not a small group of people either, oh no, we’re talking millions and millions of people. Why they oddly specifically chose Southern France, I don’t know. Oh, and you know that one movie “The Da Vinci Code” with Tom Hanks? This is the conspiracy it was mainly based on . . . They made a movie about Jesus having kids and moving to southern France . . . Just let that sink in.
Shakespeare Wasn’t Actually . . .- Wait for it . . . Shakespeare. Due to a “substantial lack of (biographical) evidence” about William Shakespeare, some believe that one of the greatest and most recognized playwrights, poets, authors, and insulters ever wasn’t even a different or new person. The conspirators believe this so called “William Shakespeare” was actually a known person or writer simply using an alias. Some of the people suspected to be the alias culprit are Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, and many, MANY, more.
“I am sick of this false world; and will love nought but even the mere necessities upon it.” I think Shakespeare, if we can even call him that, should ponder this. So much deception; betrayal is coming on.
Plastic Coffins and Concentration Camps- This place that has stemmed much unease and rampant ideas in the underground world of conspiracy theorists is located just outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Perhaps some of you southerners have seen this place. Apparently, at this location, there are rows and rows of pristinely stacked plastic coffins . . . They are said to be owned by FEMA, a branch of Big Brother. As referenced before, the coffins have generated much speculation. However, the most popular conspiracy is that the government is preparing for when they will enforce martial law, opening several concentration camps and killing millions of “unfaithful Americans” in the process. Is it WWII Hitler style take two, or just another hoax? Guess we’ll find out . . .
ALIENS!- Well, come on, what would a conspiracy article be without something to do with aliens? A stupid one, that’s what it would be. And does this look like a stupid article? Don’t answer that. ANYWAY, sheesh, quit getting so off topic guys, moving on. While researching the vast topic that is aliens, I came across a website called: educate-yourself.org (do not ask). On this . . . website, I found a letter written to the editors by a man from somewhere south of our American border. In this letter, the man claimed to have been inhabited by an extraterrestrial host. Oh, oh yes. The man claimed that the host identified itself as one of the Yukonadious Race… They are said to transmit “negative green radiation to penetrate the human heart” for inhabitation. So, uh, lock your hearts and throw away the keys, people, ‘cause you don’t want none o’ that.
And finally, my personal favorite . . .
Meghan Markle Is Actually . . .- No, not an alien, or Shakespeare, or a Shakespearean Alien. No, she’s a robot. Duh. She’s got to be that perfect somehow.
Now, I hope these didn’t shake you too badly. I know I can be convincing, but just for good measure, these are all complete speculation, and in my opinion, bogus. Thank you, and goodnight.