SENIOR SPOTLIGHT: JORDAN RUTZ
By Justin Winters
SENIOR SPOTLIGHT: TIM PETERSON
Q and A
Q: Where were you born?
A: Lexington, South Carolina
Q: When were you born?
A: April 18, 2000
Q: What is your favorite state?
A: South Carolina, with Wisconsin a close second
Q: What is your favorite sport?
A: Football and then lacrosse
Q: What is your favorite movie?
A: The Night Before
Speed Round
Q: Prof?
A: Rodebaugh
Q: Class?
A: Religion
Q: After school activity?
A: Relaxing
Q: College?
A: University of South Carolina
Q: Place?
A: Fort Myers Beach, Florida
Q: Role Model?
A: Josh Turner (country singer or something;
never heard of him)
Q: Food
A: Toss up between pizza and mac and cheese
Q: Actor
A: Kevin Hart
Mad Lib
The _squishy_ air filled the room. The freshmen jumped at the strike of the lightning and boom of the thunder. A silhouette of a _pair of sweatpants_ was formed from the flash of light. The students rushed _oddly_ out of the room. Prof _Crater Lake_ was waiting for them with his razor sharp _dessert_. The children were getting sucked up by his _cellphone_. With a sense of relief, _Prof. Lau_ woke up realizing it was a dream.
Where Do You See Tim Petersen in Ten Years?
Kaitlyn Berman (Girlfriend)- Apart from married to me he’s going to be sitting in a garage playing guitar by himself.
Prof Rodebaugh- I see him as one of those dudes playing the guitar outside of a stadium and collecting money from people coming in and out of the stadium.
Malaena- I see him obsessed with chicken. (Whatever inside joke that is I’m sure it’s dumb.)
Mount Rushmore For those that don’t know how the Mount Rushmore grading scale works, here is an introduction. So we Americans know that there are four heads on the Mount Rushmore monument. Just as there are four heads, there are four slots open for your choices and opinions in a specific category. When asked, you simply rank your top four items in that category best to worst.
Q: What is your Mount Rushmore of colors?
Stereotypical Blue
White
Gold
Red
Q: What is your Mount Rushmore of juice?
Apple
Cranberry
Grape
Lime
Q: What is your Mount Rushmore of Olympic
events that no one cares about?
Luge
Relay Swimming
Biathlon
Marathon
By Seth Miller
Limaricks
Ah yes! Third quarter is through!
At last the unthought-of is true.
After weeks of heaped snow
And of salt and of floe,
We can start wearing an open-toed shoe.
By Aric Reim
Weird Things
HEARD AROUND CAMPUS
“No, no, you ARE Satan”
-Hupe Mayhew
“Father says if you find all the angles in a pentagram, Roscoe comes out of it”
-Lilly Meyer
*screams at Bible* “MAKE IT WARMER”
-Melanie Gerbles
“It’s Devil’s Star Day at Culver’s”
-Melanie Gerbanza
“What if ponytails had the ability to give you wet Willies?”
-Lily Meyeyers
“I wish I was a hermaphrodite” -Katie Maychew
“TASTE THAT BOOK”
-Jaden Karuw
“What’s that like land surrounded by water?”
-Ryan Zimmerwoman
“Isn’t a chalet the guy who takes your car?”
-Emma Millrlght
“I’m going to get him a silicone tongue so he can lick his cat. They like that, for pleasure”
-Melanie Gerbi
By Brynn Schierenbeck
When and where were you born?
Eau Claire, Wisconsin. May 19, 2000
Where is your favorite away basketball gym?
CFC. Wait, correction. Eleva
What are your plans for after high school?
I’m going to Winona State for … *big-fat-word-that-I-don’t-understand… It means exercise science.
What is your favorite high school memory?
Skiing in Lutsen
You’re stranded on a cold, icy, deserted island. What 4 things would you bring with you?
Matches
Xbox to play Skyrim
A basketball. Why wouldn’t you?
A box of cereal
Estimate Josh’s weight.
Um… somewhere between 235 and ?
What was it like in cross country?
Absolute dook
JORDAN'S FAVORITES:
Person in the history of ever: Joel Frank
Jadyn or Levi: I’m leaning toward Levi
Sport: Basketball… duh
Tv show: Psych
Movie series: The Fast and the Furious
It seems that the mini-classes and formal dinner are the favorite activities of the third quarter. It's not a big surprise why. Mini-classes provide a nice break between Christmas and Spring Break and give time to relax and relieve stress.
Mini-classes are fun for everyone, including freshman. Being the last class to be allowed to pick classes, they don’t always get their preferred choice. They still usually end up enjoying whatever they end up taking. The most popular sessions seem to be the food related ones, bowling, sand volleyball, and dance. Most of them seem to want more sessions in these. The biggest disappointment for most of the freshman was that they weren't able to go ice skating. A few suggestions of what they would like to have in the future are Twister, Exploding Kittens, and rollerblading. Olivia Thurow said, “ I like mini-classes because you get away from school and it's a nice break, and they were really fun.”
Overall, the freshman loved the mini-classes and thought it was a good way to relax and have fun. Even when they didn't get what they wanted, they enjoyed the experience. We would like to thank everyone who came to ILC and hosted their mini-classes, and hope that they come again.
MINI CLASSES FOR FRESHMAN
JUICES
Juice, in my opinion, is the best. It’s like fruit, but better. Maybe it’s because there’s more sugar in it, I don’t know. All I know is it’s something that is relatively healthy and also tastes delicious. That’s a pretty rare thing in this day and age. The classic juices, such as grape, apple, orange, and some type of cranberry were most popular among the people polled, but there were some pretty interesting ones out there, including banana, cherry, and pineapple. I have no idea how banana juice is made, but I’d love to find out. Look for a follow-up article on that in the next issue… My personal favorite is apple, and most people agreed with me. Old Orchard apple juice is honestly the best I’ve ever had, so I’d definitely suggest trying that.This data shows that no matter how old we get, we still think about juice.
FAVORITE JUICES
By Lily Meyer
All About Dogs
The average dog is as smart as a two-year old child.
Puppies are born without eyesight and without any teeth. They are also born deaf.
New puppies have heat sensors in their noses to help find their moms while their eyes and ears are closed.
Female dogs bite twice as much as male dogs, on average.
There are about 400 million dogs in the world.
Tired puppies get cranky, just like little children.
The Greyhound is the fastest dog, running up to a speed of 44 miles per hour (or about 71 kmph for our Canadian friends).
No two dogs nose prints are the same.
RandoM Facts
By Julianna Hein
We Need to Address This...
By Krystal Sydow
FAVORITE MOVIE QUOTES
FROM AROUND CAMPUS
“As you wish.”
-Wesley, The Princess Bride
“Inconceivable!"
-Vizzini, The Princess Bride
“I will have my vengeance in this life or the next.”
-Maximus Decimus Meridius, Gladiator
“Do it!”
-“Chancellor” Palpatine, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith
“I did not come through fire and death to bandy words with a witless worm!”
-Gandalf the White, The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
“That still only counts as one!”
-Gimli the Dwarf, The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
“Mrs. Bennet, a Miss Bennet, a Miss Bennet, and a Miss Bennet.”
-the Butler to Mrs. Bingley, Pride and Prejudice
“Why am I so bad at being good?!”
-Prince Zuko, Avatar: The Last Airbender - Book Three: Fire
By Zach Strike
BASEBALL
The baseball team has been taking advantage of some open gym time since the end of the basketball season. With the season less than two weeks away the Lancers have quite a bit of polishing to do if they hope to have a shot at conference and make a deep playoff run this spring. The team is going to have to fill the spots of four starting seniors that graduated, including two outfielders and the corner infielders. In addition to those starting spots in the field those four players also accounted for 78 of the 204 hits last year. On the pitching end of the spectrum, seniors Levi Schaller, Jesse Wilke, Jordan Rutz, and Josh Gerbitz all return.This will be another place where more people will have to pick up innings here and there and have a positive impact on the team.
By Josh Gerbitz
On February 14, 2018, a shooter came into a high school in Parkland, Florida, and killed seventeen students and faculty. Now, the students of Parkland are speaking out about gun control, and they don’t want to stop until they see a change.
Parkland was not the first school to suffer such a shooting. It wasn’t even the first this year. So far in 2018, there have been twelve school shootings in the United States. There have been 270 recorded school shootings since the Columbine shooting in 1999, and about 150 lives have been lost because of it. With an average of one shooting every week, the numbers keep climbing higher and higher, and one can’t help but wonder if the Parkland students are right in saying that it’s time for a change.
With the growing number of shootings in the US, many schools have begun taking precautions if the unimaginable does indeed happen. In our own school, Brian Fox, the school safety officer, has been scheduling more gun and bomb drills, so that if the worst does happen, the students and faculty can feel somewhat prepared. At Immanuel, because we are such a small Lutheran school, the chances of a shooter coming on campus is miniscule, but it is not impossible.
All we can really do in a time like this is hope and pray. We can keep other schools in our prayers so that God will protect them from any danger.
1 Peter 3:14 - “But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you are blessed, ‘And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled.’”
10. Mahr’s Meadow (Stanley, WI)
I’m not sure who gave Mahr’s Meadows its name, considering that it’s really not a meadow at all besides one hole with super long annoying grass that makes it difficult to find your disc. Other than that and some muddy areas, Mahr’s Meadow is an enjoyable wooded course for the average disc golfer.
9. Giants Ridge (Biwabik, MN)
Nestled in the hills in a town in northern Minnesota, Giants Ridge provides a great hole variety and challenge. This course is very hilly and partially wooded. Some holes descend into a plunging valley and others ascend a mile upwards.
8. Tower Ridge (Eau Claire, WI)
Ski trails make for a great location for a good game of disc golf. Tower Ridge’s course is a loop through the woods with plenty of shot variety. Challenging fairways and baskets out of view can make it tough for the disc golfer, but that is all part of the fun.
7. Root River Parkway (Greendale, WI)
Root River Parkway has an even spread of wooded and wide open grass holes. For the adventurers out there, this course has multiple wide stream crossings in the middle of a hole. The pars at this course are a bit low and make for a great challenge.
6. Valley View (New Berlin, WI)
Valley View is mostly in the forest and has some unique holes. The signs are littered with graffiti and can be hard to interpret, however. The twists and turns allow for baskets that hook both right and left to switch things up. An opening hole that descends down a huge hill is a nice way to start of a nice course.
5. Northstar (Eau Claire, WI)
Pars are not posted consistently, but they are usually par three and some par four difficulty. Northstar is a simple fun 9-hole course with very few people there to slow you down. It is mostly clear with some wooded areas. The final hole can be difficult as you must maneuver around a small building and a bog of sorts.
4. Mount Simon (Eau Claire, WI)
Other than the plethora of sketch people playing with alcohol in hand, dogs, and loud speakers playing rap music, this course is quite fun. It has a fun variety with wooded areas and a hole heading up a dirt hill. I advise going early in the morning to avoid people, but then you might have to deal with the geese.
3. St. James (Eau Claire, WI)
St. James is a simple course that is plain, clean fun. Par threes all around make it excellent for beginners. I have mastered hole seven (much to Wilke and Henry’s chagrin) and have found that the key is to throw the disc underhanded between two trees and skip it off the pavement.
2. Skol Ranch (Florissant, CO)
I am very glad I stumbled upon Skol Ranch in smalltown Colorado at the home of the biggest Vikings’ fan I have ever met. He made the course on his own on his land and named it in honor of the Minnesota Vikings. This course has a unique rocky terrain and has some high ascending holes as well as one monstrous downhill hole. Not to mention the fact that Skol Ranch provides a great view of Pike’s Peak.
1. UW- Barron County (Rice Lake, WI)
Very well kept course. Nice long, open holes. The pars are reasonable for the course difficulty. It’s never very busy and you won't get stuck behind others playing. Plus, it’s easy to get from hole to hole with no confusion. This course consistently provides great fun.
TOP 10: Disc Golf Courses
By Dan Lau
Canadian Corner
By Megan Johnston
Hey guys, long time no see. Sorry to leave you all hanging for February's issue, but I had a few pressing matters to attend to. One of those was preparing to watch Canada sweep up the Olympics and let me tell you, my people never fail to impress! Coming in third overall in medal count, Canadian Olympic athletes did an amazing job in representing the best country ever (disputed), and have made me take pride in my job of representing Canada here on the ILC campus. Now, not everyone knows this but I do carry around a red backpack during school hours that has a large “Canada” on it for all to see. However, the less noticeable bit, the fine print if you will, on that backpack is something that says “Canadian Olympic Team.” Wait, you didn't know I was an Olympian? Not your fault, it's not something I like to advertise ;) Back to the real Olympians. Sebastien Toutant, Cassie Sharpe, and Kim Boutin are just a few Canadians who came out on top and earned for themselves gold medals in Pyeongchang. Now, with bringing up the Olympics, there is one subject that I cannot avoid. That is Canada’s performance in our national sport and not defending the Gold Medal (which rightfully belongs to us) in men's hockey. I did get a few nice comments from Profs and parents, and by nice I mean they asked me how I was and whether or not I was in a state of grief. I was even told that it was a surprise to see me at school, for they thought I would be in bed all day. This is, of course, incredibly disappointing for the team members who fought hard with Canada’s flag on their backs. But I’m still hyped for my country and that out of 24 Olympic Men’s Hockey Gold Medal games, Canada has won 17 medals, 10 of which were gold, more than any other nation on both counts. If it was I, I’d be happy just to get the opportunity in Pyeongchang that these men did, and I’m sure it’s an experience they won’t forget. No matter the outcome. They stuck with it because we Canadians don’t give up. and the boys brought home the bronze medal. Those of us athletes reading this know all about bringing home a medal, and they proved they were up for the challenge.
To my fellow Canadian readers, I have a good laugh for you.
I was recently at a fast food restaurant with some friends and I found a toonie (two dollar Canadian currency) in my purse and brought it out. I asked the three people I was with what they thought it was and their answers were (kind of like all those medals we won) Gold. #1. A Maple leaf; #2. Syrup; #3. Quid (that’s British, right?); #4. A Polar Bear; #5. Hard wood; #6. Well, I know it’s some kind of currency; #7. It’s a grannie or a goonie or something, No! It’s a loonie and a toonie!
Haha, after seven guesses and some hints, they finally got it.
Hopefully I got some smiles out of you, Happy March! Signing out from Maple Leaf Rd., Moose Town, B.C.
March is in like a...
Kaitlyn Berman: Detroit
Jenna Mielke: Dirty
Sam Oster: Mankato
Megan Johnston: Sam Oster
Seth Miller: Dannie Gamble
James Sullivan: Glasses
Dasker: 80’s chick
Jacob Hammond: afro
Tara Gerbitz: Justin
Stephen Krause:
...Funny
WORD ASSOCIATION
LION
By Julianna Hein
BASKETBALL
The boys basketball season came to an end on the March 2 with a loss to McDonell Catholic. This loss was disappointing, without a doubt, but the Macks were heavily favored coming into the game. The once 5th ranked in state Lancers were pushing to win the conference with three weeks remaining in the season. At that time came a 1 point loss to Independence which could have sealed the deal had it been a win. From that point on things appeared to go down hill. A few games were lost and several starters were injured. Overall, the Lancers put a good team out on the court every night, but injuries prevented them from reaching the next level. This can be noted by the fact that Jordan Rutz was the only team member that started every game, because every other starter and the 6th man experienced some sort of injury. The Lancers graduate six seniors this year and will look to build on this year’s success next year. You can expect Seth Miller, Joey Bailey, and Ryan Zimmerman to fill some big roles next year as the Lancers will look to find replacements for their top two scorers, Jordan Rutz and Henry Lau.
By Josh Gerbitz
Fake News
(PS: That means it's all made up. No connections to any characters or events, fictional or real.)
with Nathan Buck
This Week in History
It was said by the wise and ancient philosopher Gabe Plath the Elder that, "Those who don't learn from history are destined to fail History 10 and repeat sophomore year."
Sadly, in a recent report by Flash Magazine, it was discovered that 60% of the student body couldn't answer when the War of 1812 started, 53% of the students didn't know who George Washington was, and an astounding 67% failed the question, "When did Kermit the Frog declare Scotland free from English oppression?"
So, in an effort to educate the student body on historical and current events, here are a couple important events that happened in history:
1000 BC -- Plath the Elder and Plath the Younger get into an argument. Elder Plath throws a leather hide at Younger Plath, but it misses and goes into a basket. Basketball is invented.
983 BC -- Ashton looms somewhere off the coast of Sweden. Villagers quake in his presence. Legend of the Kraken is born.
577 BC -- Malaena Buck and Nicole Schierenbeck are embarrassed for the first time.
570 BC -- Aric the Reim grows a red beard, starts to pillage and burn, and adheres to proper dining etiquette and looks dapper whilst doing so in his freetime.
209 BC -- Khan Ude conquers China and forms the largest empire the world has ever seen.
56 AD -- Roman soldiers siege and conquer the city of Eau Claire, Wisconsin.
170 AD -- Something really important happens.
530 AD -- Dark ages of Campus. No art is produced, as Kelly Beekman locks art room for days.
1108 AD -- Julianna Hein theorizes about the existence of brain activity in a First Period classroom. Concludes, "Absolutely none.” Surprises no one.
1234 AD -- Alex squires in the crusades.
1774 AD -- Freemason Garvens and the Founding Fathers sign the Declaration of Independents, which speaks out against unfair taxation and demands ice cream for every meal.
1783 AD -- Lord Byron writes some killer poetry. Becomes too cool.
1816 AD -- Deadeye Dan Lau shoots the notorious outlaw Wilke the Kid in the infamous Showdown on Ingram Drive. Joe Lau sells tickets.
1890 AD -- As a gift from France to the US, the Statue of Liberty Masker arrives in New York.
1918 AD -- The Ryan Zimmerman Telegraph is read, containing many typos, pressuring the US into World War I.
1960 AD -- Richard Nixon resigns as president. Katherine Reim takes oath of office.
2018 AD -- Nathan Buck writes this article.
-- ….and all the while, Noah Sydow is still trapped in rubble.
This and more, next time on Fake News.
By Nate Buck
Flash Member of The Month
Not only is he the best runner I’ve ever seen (maybe second to his brother but my point still stands), he is also one of the Flash’s best contributors, and one whom we are proud to have on our team. This Senior has really stepped into his role this year as a leader and helped several people come out of their comfort zone. Whether his attitude comes out in meetings or is demonstrated through his writing, it’s always followed by insight and enthusiasm. Well done Dan, keep it up!
By Megan Johnston
Dan Lau