Senior Spotlight: Sherman David Kettner
Senior Spotlight: Christian [Err: N/A] Kazemba
Sarah Durst
Aric Reim
If you’ve ever wanted to be friends with a computer, Sherman Kettner is perhaps the best chance you’ll get. This fellow’s analytical brain is seriously impressive in the world of numbers, calculations, and things that beep and flash, but he’s also funny, cool, and an all-around nice guy. Following are a number of questions designed to probe the mind of S. Kettner, “The Lights and Sound Guy,” “The Constant Debater of Problems Related to Infinity,” “The Kid from Colorado,” and the holder of many other potential monikers that I won’t go into here.
Q: What is your name?
A: I don’t know.
Q: What’s the most efficient way to conquer the world?
A: I don’t have enough time to tell you now, but it would start with solving a fundamental problem. That is, energy.
Q: If you were a kind of tank, what kind of tank would you be? Why?
A: I’ll get back to you *proceeds to not get back to me* (Really, this is one of the easier questions. What kind of tank would Sherman be? Hint: it starts with Sherman and ends with tank.)
Q: You are trapped on a mountain and you are drowning in a lake. You have two lego minifigures named Flint and Steele. You also have a tutu, a mahimahi, and a lei of flowers. What do you do?
A: I would drop the minifigures and get out of the lake, then I would look for something flammable and start a fire.
Q: Who was the greatest general of World War II and why?
A: I don’t think you can quantify the greatest general because it’s a matter of perspective and what you’re talking about, but my favorite is George S. Patton.
Q: If you could bike anywhere, where would you go and why?
A: I would bike to the next nearest inhabitable planet, because I would be the first person to ever go there.
Q: Do you like red or green better?
A: There’s a difference?
Q: Why do you think brick red is not a color?
A: Brick red is a color. Brick is not a color.
Q: Why?
A: Because there are lots of colors of bricks. “Brick” doesn’t tell me anything.
Q: Are computers better than people? Why?
A: It depends. For doing math, definitely. But being . . . what’s the word . . . humane? Maybe not.
Q: Is oxygen poisonous?
A: It is what finally probably kills you. Have you ever met someone who breathed oxygen and lived?
Q: How many cybers do you think you will defend in your career? [He’s going into cyberdefense]
A: 20,000
Favorites:
Food: Elk tenderloin
Song: “Rock of Ages”
Color: The lack thereof
Topic for debate: Why larger animals don’t get cancer
Software: Windows
High School Memory: When Anthony snapped the volleyball net in PE 9 after Prof Lau had told us not to break anything
Christian *Classified* (HOWARD ARNOLD) Kazemba. He'll answer your question with a question and answer neither of them. He's also a very caring individual and I couldn't imagine the class without him.
Sarah Durst: When and Where?
Christian: 2002. In the hospital.
S: What kind of tree do you compare yourself to, and why?
C: A black walnut tree because they may be pretty and provide shade, but the nuts are terrible and get ink everywhere.
S: Which superpower would you choose and why?
C: I would have the power of teleportation so that I could witness to thousands of people in one second.
S: What animal do you think you’re most similar to?
C: A starfish because though I may look kind of, actually, not really cute at all, but you engulf the food and you like, I don't know, you pry them apart and then eat them with your stomach. It's pretty interesting.
S: What do you think about when you're alone?
C: I think about being alone and why I'm alone.
S: Any advice for freshman?
C: You try what you want to do, even if you don't think you're good at it because high school really is the time to experiment in the ways that are God-pleasing. You might not have another chance in a friend group that will support you in everything you want to do.
S: Funniest high school memory?
C: Aric in the car . . . what was he singing, he was singing a song . . . I'll remember eventually . . . I know it's on the tip of my tongue . . . it's the song Psycho! “Oh she's hot, but a psycho.” And we sang with the windows down and every second we were just singing “psycho.” We didn't even care what the words were; we just kept saying “psycho psycho psycho.”
S: What do you want to be when you grow up?
C: Yes, I would like to be when I grow up.
S: You're a new addition to the crayon box. What color are you and why?
C: I would be rainbow colors because I don't like to match a specific personality. I like to adapt to others and I care about others and I like to make them feel like I care about them.
Favorites
Class: Geometry
Prof: I mean, which one would murder me the quickest? 'Cause I mean Prof.
Reim would get you with a piano string, but first he'd have to take it off . . . I mean Prof. Roehl, he's got the shovels. Prof. Kranz could have a scoreboard dropped on you . . . so yeah, you know, I like all of them.
Food: Chow mein or chicken fettuccine
Drink: Water
Fandom: LOTR, Hunger Games, Selection Series, Maze Runner, Divergent
Hobby: Annoying people (in a loving way)
Animated Disney Movie: Tangled
Josie Marion Naumann
Senior Spotlight
--Trinity Mayhew
March Articles
You never had to sleep. Imagine it! Think of all the things you could do, all the goals you could accomplish with so much more time in your day. With only 24 hours in a day, we spend roughly 8 of them sleeping. If you put all that together, a human spends an average 229,961 hours of their lifetime sleeping: THAT’S A WHOLE THIRD OF YOUR LIFE! Such wasted time with such wasted potential.
Most people claim that they like sleep because it gives them a chance to rest and recharge after a hard day’s work. But what if you never had to recharge? What if you had an unlimited supply of energy, meaning you would never grow weary or tired? You could continue to do your homework late into the night. You could go on long distance runs without ever slowing down or getting shortness of breath. You could binge watch a whole movie series in one night. The possibilities are endless!
Wednesday, March 4th, 12:15 P.M.
Trinity: Oh, Josie, I need to do your Senior Spotlight.
Josie: No.
Wednesday, March 4th, 8:00 P.M.
T: Josie, I need to do your Senior Spotlight.
J: No.
Thursday, March 5th, 7:10 A.M.
T: Oh! Josie, I need to do your Senior Spotlight!
J: No. It is WAY too early in the morning for this.
Thursday, March 5th, 10:05 A.M.
T: Hey Josie--
J: No.
Thursday, March 5th, 10:25 A.M.
T: (looks at Josie)
J: No. (Starts singing) No, no, no, no, no!
​
Two weeks ago, in choir . . .
J: What does this song remind me of?
T: Veggie Tales.
J: That's it! It's the song in Jonah, when they're in the belly of the fish.
T: (who has never seen Jonah) Told you.
Three weeks ago, also in choir . . .
T: Hey, Josie, is Boromir a bad guy?
J: No! How dare you! He is a sweet, loving baby who just got overcome by the power of the ring! It's not his fault!
T: Oh. I thought he was a bad guy.
J: No! (Proceeds to spoil the entire series.)
Sometime this semester . . .
J: I figured it out! It sounds like the cheese commercial!
On the way to Millston . . .
J: I'm having serious baby fever. I miss my daycare kids.
At this point, we decided to ask people to ask her random questions at random times.
Aric: Josie, if you were a Cabinet member, what would you be?
J: Well, either the Secretary of Defense or Secretary of the Treasury, but I have stated that if I ever became President, or married a President, I would call all the Cabinet members different types of dishes, and I would be known for the first ever Kitchen Cabinet.
My brother, Austin, snapchatted her and asked what her favorite color is. She responded, “No.” Later that day, (in choir, no surprise) she leans over to me . . .
J: Trinity, do you know why Austin asked what my favorite color is?
T: (laughs and smiles)
J: You know, I'm getting kind of scared to go on Tour with you, because either I'm going to reduce your sunshininess or I'm going to end up smiling.
(Grace says it's black.)
We gave up on that pretty quickly, and just started asking some of her closest friends questions about her.
T: Grace, what is Joise's Caribou order?
Grace: Large French Vanilla Latte, or a normal latte with as many shots of espresso she thinks she can get away with that day.
T: What does Josie want to do after high school?
G: She's planning on going to CVTC Iowa to become a dental hygienist, unless she goes with her more mysterious and diabolical plan of becoming rich in some way and living in a big mansion with two extremely large dogs named Spartan Buttercup and something else.
J: (indignantly) It's three extremely large dogs, and their names are Spartan Buttercup, Aslan, and Omega.
T: Allison, what's Josie's favorite Barbie movie?
A: Oh, I know this! It's either the one with the Pegasus, or the one with the princesses?
T: The Twelve Dancing Princesses?
A: Yes! That one!
T: Josie, what's your middle name?
J: No.
Prof. Lau: Josie, you need to cooperate with my people.
J: No.
I then showed what I had compiled to Josie herself.
J: How many people do you have on your payroll for this?
T: So do you like it?
J: What?
T: Your Senior Spotlight.
J: . . .
J: . . .
J: . . .
J: I mean I wrote most of it.
J: . . .
J: So no.
J: But you did great, honey.
Where do you see Josie in 20 years?
Mom--She is going to be a world renowned dentist and people will come thousands of miles for her expertise, and everyone will just love her.
Courtney Behlmer--In a Supernatural bunker with her wolf dogs and a shotgun and all of our children.
Mrs. Behlmer--Probably still in Eau Claire, hijacking babies before and after Bible class ("Don't say that!”) She's lovingly providing care to the children whose parents want to go to Bible study.
Grace Meyer--I think she will, one day, very much to her surprise, meet and marry a wonderful man and actually have several of her own children. Up to that point and probably even after, she will have her big, fluffy dogs.
Kitara Meilke--A complete soccer mom, ruling Immanuel from the sidelines and still calling everyone honey and sweetie.
Coach Steve-- . . .
Hope Mayhew--A dental hygienist who always drags three kids into the office.
Morgan Bobek--In Europe, far, far away with lots of dogs and a nanny of several kids, and finds the love of her life.
Mel Gerbitz--A whole mess of kids.
Sarah Durst--Running a daycare out of her mansion with two big dogs.
Austin Mayhew--She's going to be living in New Zealand with a bunch of dogs that she's trained to kill. Her days will be spent watching The Lord of the Rings on loop.
Anthony Garibay--In an ancient castle that's super drafty with huge dogs and wolves as pets, completely isolated and writing constantly, and babysits on weekends.
Christian Kazemba--As a nanny by day for the most sophisticated family in Bermuda, and a writer by candlelight before bed.
Brynn Schierenbeck--Running her own daycare . . . or from the law.
Samuel Radermacher--Running her own daycare with five dogs that are bigger than she is that give the little kids rides like horses. Caucasian Shepherd dogs, that's what they are.
Okay, Josie, I am so sorry for doing this to you. You have quickly become one of my favorite people ever and I am so, so happy you’re in my life. Even if you think you’re dark and stormy and are definitely going to kill me for this, you light up my world and are a truly kind and wonderful person even though you try to hide it. Thank you for putting up with me this week and always. I love you!
What If . . .
Sam Radermacher
Weird Things Heard Around Campus
Suraya Williams
Well, here's what I got for you guys. If you hear anything you want me to put down just tell me or text or email me or something and I'll put it down. Enjoy!
"I think I hear better without my glasses on."
"You will now go blind in one ear."
"I was just thinking: a slaughter is plural for a group of serial killers, isn't it?"
“If the iguana is not married, I will not smoke it!”
"We're making a female church and Sarah Fox wants to be the pulpit."
"You said you had to do homework. I come back and you're eating your ruler."
"I'm gonna start brushing my hair with my keys and locking my door with my brush."
"Can you bring a chicken to school? I need it to sneeze on my boat."
"I'll wait to die until I can be a distraction."
"I've always wanted to milk a whale . . ."
"Do whales have nipples?"
"Hello good sir! Would you like to buy this beautiful rock head?"
"Hey, you! Yeah, you with the face!" (*turns around *has no face)
“I don’t outright tell you I’m gonna hit you, I just heavily imply it.”
“I didn’t know pain had a flavor. Oh right, it has the same equivalent to life.”
"Oh look, it's a finger scrunchie."
"I'm practicing so I can be a cat when I grow up."
"What's a meat store called again? Oh yeah, a cemetery."
"If the corona virus is just killing old people, why don't we just call it the boomer remover?"
"It reminds me of a reluctant Dr. Suess."
The Most Epic Battle in Grade School Basketball History
The grade school basketball tournaments are here! It's strange to think about, as I haven't been in one in four years. I played in every single one of the grade school basketball tournaments when I was in grade school. It was always fun, but a bit of a weird experience for me.
I played basketball from 5th to 8th grade, and I was pretty much a prodigy. I was a young, very short, female basketball player who could basically do anything. Ball handling? I was the best at it. Crossovers, under the leg, around the waist, and anything else; I was the best. I couldn’t be beat. Free Throws? I never missed a single one, not even in practice. Dunks? I would show off my skills every now and then. I was the queen of basketball and the grade school basketball tournaments were no exception. I carried my team. I made 50 plus points per game and the other teams just couldn’t even. They would just stand in awe. There is one very fond memory I have from 6th grade year. It was the second day of tournaments and we were playing the Berea Bobcats. I scanned the faces of my competition and landed on a familiar face, Olivia Thurow. I remembered befriending her during ILC camp as well as Camp Koyquin. I stared daggers at my opponent and decided I wouldn’t be beat by this peasant. On the court, it was an exciting and intense match. She put up a good fight, but she was no match for me! I scored 56 points. At the end of the last game there were 3 seconds left. The crowd cheered “3, 2, 1!” I launched into the air, flew above Olivia's head as she stared up at me with her jaw dropped on the ground. I soared into the air and dunked the basketball. It was the most epic battle in basketball history. The rest of the games went just as smoothly and we won every single game. There was one teammate who I had every single year, Ryan Zimmerman. He was good, but definitely not as good as me. I was the queen of the court and I couldn’t be stopped.
Overall, I was a beast. Anyone who saw me play thought I was the best basketball player to exist. Not to brag, but I was just really good!
I’m just kidding. In reality, I was really bad. I’ve never been good at basketball and I barely scored any points.
Sarah Fox
The Ever-Baffling Stock Market
Joel Kuehne
Stocks drop, everything falls, panic spreads like wildfire, and disorder and disarray run rampant as the stock market spins out of control. Multitudes of people rack their brains trying to predict and calculate the erratic rising and falling of the market, searching for that inevitable low, when they want to buy, buy, buy. Others sit in front of a computer staring at stock market pages at ten o’clock wondering what all of these complicated numbers mean while trying to write an article. The ever-baffling stock market throws many into confusion as all of the fancy graphs show fancy lines going up and down and up and down. But I, personally, will go back to sipping my juice box, and remain oblivious to this unfathomably stressful and complicated world that is the stock market.
THE ROD
Alex Radichel
In the past few days, several people have asked for an explanation of the length of metal I keep in my pocket. It’s nothing special, just a tube from the bottom of a chair taken apart in robotics. A small hole near the end held a bolt at the time I obtained it. The bolt held on a cap through a surprisingly efficient design, but I have since removed each. The ends are ground and smoothed so that nobody else is cut in the knuckles (something that has happened twice). Yes, it makes sound when dropped, as metal has a tendency to do. Yes, there are more. No, I am not going to use them to damage anybody who is not me.
Haiku Blues
-Rebecca Durst
Writing a haiku
Can sometimes be exhausting
When there's so much else
Things are happening
Both on campus and off it
So much still to do
So little time yet
Past the end of the quarter
Much is occurring
Banquet and the play
Robotics and the spring sports
All still with homework
A SEASONAL SERVEY
March 19 is the beginning of spring this year, which is being looked forward to by many of the ILHS students. On this past survey I found that out of 55 students, 15 (27%) chose spring as their favorite season, 16 (29%) summer, 22 (40%) fall, and finally only 3 (5%) preferred winter. I also had some tell me salt, one reply with cinnamon, and one gentleman said something about music. Our school’s trainer, whom you may see sitting in the Commons, said that his favorite season is fall. I do not think it is a surprise to anyone that winter was by far the least favorite. I suppose we do have to remember that the students were most likely thinking of Eau Claire winters, which are worse than this season in many other states. According to a study that I found online, fall is the overall favorite season in the USA while winter is the least favorite. In this same survey they asked the people if they liked the weather where they lived. Those in the West had the highest percent at 66% liking their weather, the Northeast and South tied with a 59%, and the Midwest was the lowest at 47%. That means that more than 50% of the people that live in the Midwest do not like its weather. So why do y’all live here? Along with this, the main reason that people do not like the Midwest is because it is too cold. I hope you found this information interesting, and maybe we can convince the school to move somewhere warmer. Like Hawaii, maybe?
-Lydia Kettner
Dungeons & Dragons
Introducing . . . THE BONK
-Zach Strike
For you more experienced players, I’m guessing that you’ve probably used multiclassing at least once in one of your campaigns (for those of you who don’t understand what multiclassing is, it is when a character splits the levels that it has to gain the benefits of two different classes in the book). On one of my Sunday campaigns with my brother, Carl, he played one of the most interesting multiclassed characters that I have ever seen; he nicknamed it a “bonk.” With six levels, you start out as a level one barbarian, then multiclass into six levels of monk and go into the kensei monk subclass. From the barbarian, you get rages (a temporary bonus exclusive to barbarians that allow them to deal increased damage and shrug off most any injuries that aren’t psychic) and unarmored defense (a feat that allows the barbarian to have an armor class higher than the average unarmored character), and the kensei monk (a monk that is trained to use specific weapons) give the bonk increased damage from their kensei weapons (the weapons they were trained to use), an extra attack (because monks gain an extra attack at level 5), and slowed fall (a feature exclusive to monks that allow them to fall farther distances without taking damage).
With the extra damage from the kensei weapons and the extra damage from the barbarian’s rage, you can easily double the damage you deal with one attack. With the rage and the slowed fall, the rage halves the falling damage that you might take, so you can jump even further than the average Level 6 monk. At higher levels, whether as a barbarian or a monk, the “bonk” will only continue to be able to deal greater damage.
It may sound weird, but the “bonk” is a very powerful build for a melee character and can be a very helpful party member if a fight is started.
CNA SCHOOL
Jocelyn Wirth
Inspirational Quotes from Sidekicks
Many of those who know me know that I want to be a nurse when I grow up, and that I’ve put a lot of thought into the steps I’d take to achieve my goal. I decided to start at the bottom and work my way up, because the nursing units I would like to be a part of are some of the hardest fields of nursing to get hired for. I also want to start early. Lucky for me, the bottom of the nursing field happens to train people ages sixteen and up. Thus, I started taking a class at Dove West to become a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA).
Presently, I am over halfway done with the class. The State of Wisconsin requires Nursing Assistants to have 120 hours of training to be certified. I have about 30 hours to go until I can take my state skills test.
Here’s a little outline of how the 120 hours are laid out. The class started off with about 60 hours of classroom work. We read through the textbook and practiced different skills on each other. The book work was rather boring, but it was pretty enlightening to know how the residents feel when we feed them or brush their teeth. Imagine that you were unable to feed yourself. If someone aggressively shoved a spoon in your face and commanded you to eat, would you feel comfortable? Or would you rather them politely ask you what you would like to start off with, give you time to chew and swallow your food, and let you decide how much or how little to eat? CNAs have to be able to empathize in order to give the residents the best care they are capable of giving.
The rest of the hours are spent “on unit,” which means that we’re able to go on the nursing home floor and practice our skills on residents. It can be uncomfortable for CNAs at times because some of the things we have to do really aren’t that great. But imagine how the residents must feel, not being able to bathe or go to the bathroom themselves. It can be really hard on them.
Another skill CNA’s must have is that they can’t take everything personally. Some residents may not like you. At all. There might be something about you that just upsets them. It can hurt, of course, but for every resident that isn’t very nice, there’s a resident that just makes your day better. I have met so many sweet residents, and I’m only a student.
All in all, being a CNA is awesome, and I can’t imagine myself not becoming one.
Sam Radermacher
“There’s some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.”
--Samwise Gamgee
“Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?”
--Sebastian
“Aint no thing like me, except me!”
--Rocket Raccoon
“The thing is, it helps when people stand up to them, it gives everyone hope.”
--Neville Longbottom
“In critical moments men often see exactly what they wish to see.”
--Mr. Spock
“An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart.”
--Olaf
“Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
--Alfred Pennyworth
“And in the morning, I’m making waffles!”
--Donkey
Q&A
In the Face of Persecution
Grace Meyer
Have you ever been walking through your life and felt like nothing you were doing was working out, or was the right thing? Like no matter what you would try, something would backfire in your face and mess things up? You’re trying to help a friend by correcting them or giving them advice, but it doesn’t come out how you wanted it to, or they take it completely the wrong way. Has that ever happened to you when it comes to your ministry, when you were trying to witness by your actions or words and the situation totally didn’t go according to plan, or someone has actually gotten upset or hostile towards you? This has most definitely happened to me. In fact, I would be rather surprised if this hasn’t happened to all of you in some way or another. Persecution is a very real thing for Christians. Now, we are blessed to live in a country where we have religious freedoms and we aren’t facing terrible and gruesome deaths or punishments for believing in what we believe or proclaiming it, which is something to be truly thankful for. However, I think that we can get rather caught off guard by the fact that we are still going to face persecution, even in this country, because we are still living in a sinful and God hating world. On top of that, we were literally promised persecution by Christ Himself. “Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours,” (John 15:20 ESV). It’s something that we have to prepare ourselves for, but not something we have to necessarily be worried about. We are going to have to put up with people looking down on us for not joining in on poor behavior or dealing with rather strong arguments and persecution for living and expressing our beliefs. However, we can again draw comfort from Jesus’ words in John 16, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
So, before you face persecution, ready yourself for it. Don’t be taken off guard, because if you are being persecuted, you’re living your life as a Christian. However, when you do struggle with disagreements with coworkers, are made fun of because of what you believe or don’t believe, or deal with any other kind of persecution, take heart. Jesus has given you all the comfort and strength you need to withstand it all. To Him be the glory!
What is the weirdest color combination?
Well, if you mean mixing colors, then I think yellow and brown might be. If you just mean paired together, probably neon orange and a forest green. (These are my opinion; please don’t kill me for saying that if it’s your favorite color combination. I mean no harm.)
Brownies?
Yes. The answer is always yes. Every. Single. Time.
Weirdest food combination?
That I recommend: Peanut butter and Pickle
That I don’t recommend: Ketchup and Mac and Cheese.
Are grade school tournament relationships worth pursuing?
With technology these days, it is definitely possible. There are many different apps for video chatting, texting, you name it. Our society has changed so that this communication could be maintained. Also, there’s a chance that you’ll be going to school with them in a few years, so yes. Grade school tournament relationships could definitely be worth pursuing.
If you see someone cheating, what is your responsibility?
Your responsibility is obviously to be concerned. Your classmates are your fellow Christians, and cheating is a sin. First, you should confront them. Chances are, if there has been a change in their heart after you come to them they will go to the teacher themselves. If they don’t repent from the sin, it could be time to go to a teacher to try and help them turn from it.
She’s trying to steal my boyfriend, what do I do?
Trust your boyfriend. That’s what a relationship should be built on. If you feel really uncomfortable, try talking to her or your boyfriend about it. They probably don’t realize that what they are doing is coming off as trying to steal your boyfriend. The main thing to remember is that you don’t always know exactly what’s going on in the other side of the story, and neither does the other person.
Am I a nerd?
The American Heritage Dictionary defines nerd as follows:
Nerd (also nurd)
n.
Slang
1. A foolish, inept, or unattractive person.
2. A person who is single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits, but is felt to be socially inept.
….
I figure the easiest way to decide this is to make a checklist.
-
Are you foolish?
-
Are you inept?
-
Are you unattractive? (In the eye of what beholder?)
-
Are you single-minded or accomplished in scientific or technical pursuits, but socially inept?
If you answered yes to all of those, or maybe just three, you fit the dictionary’s definition of a “nerd.” However, on a more serious note, nerd is just another label that we try to use to define ourselves. Any person is probably a “nerd” at some point in their life, and it really doesn’t need to be a derogatory term. Just because you are strong in different ways than what is seen as “normal,” doesn’t mean that you are any worse than anyone else.