Now, I know Valentine’s Day has come and gone. Your lockers have all been filled with lovely love notes and scrumptious desserts made with love by those lovely Banquet Committee people and from other people that love you. (I just used “love” in one sentence five times, wow.) However, the concept of Valentine’s Day as a whole is just bizarre to me, and I feel this pressing duty to inform you why you receive chocolates and stuffed bears and why couples HAVE TO GO OUT ON THIS DAY, and why all these things are done to show your love on the day a priest from the third century was beheaded. Hopefully, by the end of this, I will have answered at least one of those questions.

All right, hop in your time machines and yeet-skeet-skeedaddle all on back to the time of the third century. Already, the legend of Saint Valentine is difficult, especially because no one can agree on a set time when our true love Valentine did his dues, as well as the fact that the Catholics acknowledge at least three saints named Valentine or Valentinius and all of them were martyred.

One way the legend goes is that Valentine, a priest who served during the third century in Rome, went against the current emperor’s orders and was then executed. Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families; he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, deified Claudius and continued to perform marriages in secret for young lovers. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still, others insist that Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop, was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome. (I see a pattern developing about guys whose names are Valentine and those guys losing their heads . . . rough.)

Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl–possibly his jailor’s daughter–who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. Although the truth behind the Valentine legends is murky, the stories all emphasize his appeal as a sympathetic, heroic and--most importantly--romantic figure. By the Middle Ages, perhaps thanks to this reputation, Valentine would become one of the most popular saints in England and France.

The actual celebration of “Saint Valentine’s Day” originated in pagan festivals. While some believe that Valentine’s Day is celebrated in the middle of February to commemorate the anniversary of Valentine’s death or burial--which probably occurred around A.D. 270--others claim that the Christian church may have decided to place St. Valentine’s feast day in the middle of February in an effort to “Christianize” the pagan celebration of Lupercalia. Celebrated at the ides of February, or February 15, Lupercalia was a fertility festival dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture, as well as to the Roman founders Romulus and Remus. The entire celebration/ritual/thing was just weird. It involved Roman priests, goats and dogs being sacrificed, and girls’ names being drawn out of a box for a set up date.

Modern traditions have thankfully evolved from . . . whatever that was before, perhaps in some part because of the Roman Catholic Church. The good ol’ RCC, always trying to combat those pagan holidays but still can’t seem to teach proper doctrine . . . Well, we take what we can get. Anyway, Pope Gelasius deemed Lupercalia “un-Christianlike” for SOME REASON at the end of the fifth century and officially declared February 14 as Saint Valentine’s Day.

After that, Valentine’s Day took off. St Valentine's name started to be used by people to express their feelings to those they loved. And, why not, I guess? Valentine is a pretty cool name. Soon, traditions began to arise and love notes were penned out. Valentine greetings were popular as far back as the Middle Ages, though written Valentine’s didn’t begin to appear until after 1400. The English poet Geoffrey Chaucer was the first to record St. Valentine’s Day as a day of romantic celebration in his 1375 poem “Parliament of Foules,” writing, “For this was sent on Seynt Valentyne’s day / Whan every foul cometh ther to choose his mate.”

Nowadays, however, since we as humans always have to do more, more, more, and since we as Americans have to do more, more, the absolute most, Valentine’s Day is not limited to only love notes in Old English. Oh, no, you have to spend way more money than that to show someone you love them, and teddy bears better be involved. According to recent surveys, an average American young adult/adult plans to spend at least $153.00 on food and experience on Valentine’s Day.

If you are the kind of person that really is not in favor of Valentine’s Day, just remember Lupercalia and be thankful that it isn’t like that anymore. Lots of Love!