A Note from the Editors
You could take a poll of a whole lot of people asking them to describe this year in one word. We don't think any of them would say "normal." Since it's not a normal year, we could hardly have a normal volume of The Flash. The Flash is dedicated to quality writing, internet journalism, and entertainment value, and this is as good a time as ever for all of those things, so it is with great pleasure that we unveil 2020's special edition of The Flash.
Yes, My Brother Went to Florida
On Wednesday, March 25, I got a text message from my brother. It said, "Hey, wanna do me a huge favor? I will give you whatever you want. You can even live here for the summer."
I was a little suspicious, of course. "What is it?" I asked.
"I need you to babysit Khalifa for the weekend."
"Well, sure, of course. Where are you going?"
He then booked a plane ticket to Florida for a little under $30. Three hours later, Khalifa was in my room and Troyal was on a plane.
There was a man across the aisle from him who was coughing and sneezing a lot. Troyal says that he thinks the man “definitely had it.”
He spent a day on the beach--Thursday, the day before it got shut down. He found a crab but now no longer remembers what he named it. He also saw the ocean and dolphins for the first time. He describes the experience as being "pretty dope.” For the rest of his time there he “hung out” with Woody and Lois Walters.
The plane ticket back was $140. The man who sat next to him on this trip was decked out in gloves and a mask, with lots of hand sanitizer, and a glare at anyone who sneezed, coughed, or breathed.
He enjoyed his trip immensely and still has not exhibited any symptoms at this time. "LOL, watch me get it tomorrow," he says. Yes, my brother went to Florida, and yes, a lot of people think he is stupid for that. So far, however, he is perfectly happy and healthy.
Trinity Mayhew
Articles
What If . . .
Things To Do During Quarantine
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Bible study
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Sing Hymns
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Spring Cleaning
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Write letters to those you love
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Sit outside and enjoy spring
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Put together a puzzle
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Write an article for the Flash
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Sleep
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Read all the books in your house
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Take online classes (so you can graduate two years early)
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Clean your brother's apartment
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Pet your dog (A LOT)
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Get really good at piano
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Watch paint dry
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Tend to your mother's chickens
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Bake brownies
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Redesign your entire house
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Paint your dog's toenails
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Build a snowman
What if everyone on Earth had a magical unicorn horn on their head that blasted disco music and radiated rainbow colors whenever that person sneezed? Allergies would become dance parties! Common colds would become jam sessions! Instead of giving you space while you’re feeling under-the-weather, people would want to be around you even more so that they can share in the fun.
Of course, everyone would need to watch their heads when they enter a low room. While some may see this as an annoyance, I view this as a way for people to have a warning before they bonk their head on a low tree branch or protruding maintenance pipe.
Just imagine, sitting quietly in class when suddenly someone sitting drowsily in the back of the room sneezes! INSTANT PARTY! Now imagine Prof. Lau sneezing. It would be the craziest party ever! Even crazier than the one at the end of Shrek!
Sam Radermacher
Trinity Mayhew
Weird Things Heard Around Campus--Special Edition
Aric Reim
Dress Survey
Lydia Kettner
This survey of mine was on how the students of ILHS saw “The Dress.” “The Dress” was a photo taken by a mother in bad lighting. She sent it to her daughter, and they disagreed on what color it was. They posted the photo to Facebook, and from there it became viral. How you see the dress depends on how your brain perceives or assumes lighting depending on what you are used to. For example, the brain assumes that the dress was inside or outside with artificial or natural lighting. It’s a little complicated, so if you’re interested I encourage you to look into it for yourselves.
A study “which involved 1,400 respondents, found that 57% saw the dress as blue and black; 30% saw it as white and gold; 11% saw it as blue and brown; and 10% could switch between any of the colour combinations. A small number saw it as blue and gold. Women and older people disproportionately saw the dress as white and gold.” According to the form that I sent out, 52% of the ILHS students saw the dress as white and gold, 21% saw it as blue and black, and 27% saw it as light blue and brown. I could not find any type of pattern in who saw what color. Some siblings saw it the same way while other siblings saw it differently. I also did not feel like going through all of the data and trying to figure anything else out, but if anyone would like the responses I would be more than happy to share them with you. The one thing that I can say is that the two color deficient people that I know, saw it as light blue and brown. So if you were wondering, the dress is actually blue and black.
I have a quote from one young gentleman who said, “Oh c'mon, last time I saw that picture it was black and blue now it's the other one [sic].” Some people (two that told me) saw the dress as light blue and gold, and a few people were able to see multiple of the options. Also, if you are completely color blind you will see the dress as white and black. I hope you found this interesting. Have a blessed day!
It was somewhat difficult finding quotes this time with this whole “quarantined for several months and school being shut down” thing, but here’s what I managed. Hope you all enjoy, and please send me things if you hear anything I can put down. Thanks!
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"I thought the stairs were lined with slabs of cheese."
"Maybe if I develop feelings for COVID-19 it will leave."
“No, I'M the coronavirus!”
“If you get that stuck in my head, I'm going to banish you to the Coronavirus Island.”
“Harry Potter got busted for smoking a joint.”
“Someone just sneezed in my eye!”
“The coronavirus is now illegal.”
“Can you please not be an equilateral triangle?”
“I suppose if it is a sheep and it's getting old and going to die, you might as well kill it and put it in a pie.”
“Maybe you should write a poem about it. ‘Juicy Fingers On a Different Level’ . . . I like the sound of that.”
“Can a fever be in your toes?”
“Don’t spend the night in the oven . . . ”
“I don’t believe I ever denied your juiciness.”
“I would never cry at a movie about measuring.”
“It does not recognize you as necessary to its survival and therefore does not respond.”
“You have been dying sure purple since the day you were born?”
“Make your own state that isn’t quarantined. Maybe I’ll visit sometime.”
“I was agreeing that you have relationships with your food.”
“Mine was a well timed pun. Yours was a black box.”
Weird Things Heard Around . . .
Suraya Williams
Q & A
What are some good activities for quarantine?
Start a daily devotional
Listen to ILC’s chapels (they’re still there!)
Read a new part of the Bible
Spring Cleaning
“Netflix and Chill”
Read a book
Make and decorate a cake
Make a play
Start a quarantine Youtube channel
Call your friends
Do some crafts
Write sweet letters for your local nursing home residents (they can’t see their families at this point; no one comes in or goes out but staff)
Write a book
Hug your family
Make cookies
Dance and sing
Take up gardening
Try something new
Dress up every day
Clean out your email inbox
Do your taxes
Become a Star Trek fan
Read more books
Learn a new language
Discover a new Youtuber you like
Create a fun game to do chores
Take a walk (remaining six feet apart)
Redecorate your room
Try a new video game
Learn to make sweet tea
Take a bath
Exercise
Find a way to make money from home
Are we ever going back to school?
Well, the Wisconsin “Safer-At-Home” order is in place until at least April 24, so going back to school on campus may not happen this year. However, we do get to go back to having classes online on April 6! Yay learning!
I miss my friends. Help.
Give them a call; spam them with random texts and memes. I’m sure they miss you just as much and would appreciate any contact they can have with you.
What are some good acts of service to do for people who are far away?
Make a playlist that is inspired by them and share it with them.
Just keep in contact--send them letters, texts, voice messages, whatever you think they’ll like best.
Make a collection of all your favorite pictures for them.
Make them a friendship bracelet and send it through the mail.
How does one distinguish between a novel coronavirus and a plain old cold virus?
According to Leah Groth, the symptoms vary a little bit--fevers and shortness of breath are not common with colds. Colds also seem to be less severe than the new coronavirus. However, precautions are similar--wash your hands, cover your mouth, and be careful.
What color is a black hole?
Two words: Neon. Green.
Just kidding--it’s black, obviously. Since it absorbs energy but doesn’t reflect any light back, we see it as black, the absence of color.
Is there ever a time you can wear black shoes with a brown belt?
Is there ever a time you want to be stared down by every person in the room?
Can getting the corona kill boredom?
Unfortunately, probably not . . . unless you become so tired that you are sleeping most of the time that you are bored.
Kitara Mielke
Funny Clickbait
The internet has tried some pretty crazy things to get us to click on dangerous links, and sometimes, it’s actually rather tempting. The real clickbait I collected from around the web in this article isn’t so compelling, though. As a matter of fact, these ones are just funny:
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“20 Aliens Who Are Gorgeous in Real Life”
“20 Weird People of Wal-mart Who Are on Another Level”
“1. Click ‘CONTINUE’ . . . ”
“Wrinkles Around the Mouth”
“Kitten Raised by Huskies Has a Most Peculiar Behavior”
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After compiling this list, I couldn’t help but feel like I ought to put my new knowledge of clickbait writing to some use, so I invented a few headlines of my own, using phrases I’ve seen pop up quite a few times. Would any of these snag your click?
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“The Internet Has Stopped Working. Secure Yours Now!”
“Man Who Lived through the Civil War Tells ALL”
“Doctor Praises New Wrinkle Cream: ‘It Took Ten Years Off My Life!’”
“WARNING: SHOCKING Video of a Baby Doing Something Babies Never Do”
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Then, because I was really getting into this new hobby of mine, I rewrote some well-known movies as clickbait, to see what they would sound like:
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“An Entire Space Station Just Blew Up--Twice” [Star Wars]
“Young Man and Best Friends DESTROY Priceless Family Heirloom” [The Lord of the Rings]
“Take This One Trip to Be Young Forever” [Peter Pan]
“Girl Falls in Love with Monster Who Kidnapped Her Dad” [Beauty and the Beast]
“You’ll Never Believe What These Nuns Were Hiding in the Convent” [The Sound of Music]
“[Mostly] Dead Guy Saves Girl from Marrying a Total Jerk” [The Princess Bride]
Ayayay. Well, that’s the world we live in, one where clickbait abounds. I hope my article has inspired you to be careful what you click on--no matter how compelling it may sound.
DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS
So, I was asked the question, “What does the term “campaign” actually mean in D&D?” The “campaign” is basically used to say “the length of the storyline and all of its encounters.” There are three different “styles” of campaigns: one-shots, modules, and homebrew.
First up: one-shots. They are only intended to be a one-time only D&D session to help introduce new players and to teach them the rules of the game; one-shots can also be used to help you test a character that you might want to use in a longer-lasting campaign.
Modules are campaigns that have been published and sold in stores or online for anyone to use. They vary in difficulty and have different prerequisites for before you start the game, such as number of players allowed, any races or classes that aren’t allowed in the game, etc. Even with newer players, they are not hard to learn while playing in.
Finally, there’s homebrew. This is when the Dungeon Master writes up his own campaign for his players to go through. This method is harder for DMs because they don’t have a lot of the simple details laid out like modules, but they can still be a lot of fun if they’re set up right and have a good storyline.
I hope that you readers find this all to be understandable, and that it’s taught you more about this adventurous--and more commonly misadventurous--game.
Zach Strike
Aric Reim
Quarantine Playlist
Trinity Mayhew
For all your quarantine music needs.
Another One Bites the Dust--Queen
U Can't Touch This--HAMMER
Here I Go Again (on My Own)--Whitesnake
Don't Stand So Close to Me--Police
Heal the World--Michael Jackson
It's the End of the World as We Know It--R.E.M.
All By Myself--Eric Carmen
Staying Alive--Bee Gees
In the Air Tonight-- Phil Collins
School's Out--Alice Cooper