A Professor's Christmas
By Grace Meyer
Prof Kranz
•Makes old German cookies
•Goes on a trip, this year to New Orleans
•Usually big family gatherings
•When the kids were little, used to go and cut their own tree
•Every Christmas Eve, makes fettuccini alfredo
Prof Schierenbeck
•Irvine Park to look at the lights
•Grandparents come and kids
•Used to cut down a tree with the kids
•Gets a new board game every year and plays it with family
Prof Roehl
•Making puzzles, big ones
•Oyster stew on Christmas Eve
•Presents opening on Christmas Eve (if you open presents at any other time, you're just wrong, according to Prof. Roehl).
•Children's Christmas Eve service
•Always listen to Christmas music
•. . . gets caught up on schoolwork over break
Prof Lau
•"I don't make plans, or have any traditions. I prefer to live life on the edge."
​
BLIND DATE 2
Just recently the latest blind date took place. Kari Wales and Steele Hansen, the lucky winners, went on a fantastic holiday date to see lights, buy gifts, and eat. The night started off with a drive to Chippewa Falls to see the famous Irvine Park. During this time of year the entire park is lit up with Christmas lights and makes for a great first date destination. Even though it was raining outside, we drove through the park admiring the lights and listening to Christmas music. It was very magical. You could feel the spark in the air, and it wasn't because of the lighting.
The next stop was to go Christmas shopping. Prof Lau took Kari and Steele to the dollar Tree so they could each pick out a special something for one another. There was a catch; neither of them were able to see what the other one had gotten them until after chapel that night. Once they opened their gifts, it was revealed that Kari had received Sour Warhead candy from Steele, and Steel had been given a festive reindeer headband from Kari. They were both very thoughtful gifts.
The last event of the night was dinner. The decision was made to go to Pizza Hut buffet. Steele claimed to eat sixteen pieces of pizza! While devouring the delicious food the pair talked about family, friends, school, sports and pretty much anything in between. By the end of the night, there definitely was no more awkward silence. Eventually, dinner came to an end, and the couple headed back to ILC. Even though the date was over, Steele was a real gentlemen and walked Kari from the car all the way to her dorm where they parted ways.
By Jillian Gamble
CHRISTMAS CAROLS
Carols have been around for hundreds of years, and everyone has their favorite carol. Some people prefer the classic carols, and others like more modern carols. Carols today are a way for friends, family, and even acquaintances to come together and do something "in the spirit of CHristmas." Traditionally, during the CHristmas season, carollers go from door to door, singing CHristmas carols to spread cheer throughout their neighbourhood and community. CHristmas carols ranger from "Jingle Bells" to "Silent Night" to "Joy to the World."
My personal favorite carol is "O Holy Night." It's not as popular as some carols are today, but its a good enough carol to be sung by several different famous artists, put into medleys, and played at concerts. This carol is a sort of shout-out to the world that Christ has been born, rejoice, and praise God, just like the angels had in front of the shepherds that first Christmas night. The tune of "O Holy Night" is syncopated, which appeals to the ear of most people. Despite the syncopated rhythm, the tune is played smoothly and sweetly. A line of the tune that I consider inspirational and comforting is "A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices / For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn." The birth of the Savior is really a "thrill of hope" to us sinners, burdened by sin and guilt, for indeed, the Lord has come to give us light and comfort in a sin-darkened world.
Just in case you don't already know them, here are the lyrics:
"O holy night, the stars are brightly shining; It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.
Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till He appeared and the soul felt int's worth,
A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, oh, hear the angel voices!
O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night, O holy night, O night divine!"
So what's your favorite carol?
​
By Sarah Durst
By Aric Reim
Limaricks
The halls are quite festively decked,
Snowflakes on the lockers are flecked,
And our festivities together,
With white wintry weather,
Say Christmas is here, yes, perfect!
Sing We NOW of Christmas
So! It’s that time of year again, at least I think it is, for….(drum roll please) CHRISTMAS MUSIC!!! That is my opinion, anyway.
But, that is kind of what this article is about: different people’s opinions as to when Christmas music is to be played. I went all around campus asking all sorts of people. From fabled faculty to frisky freshmen, I got some pretty revealing stats. So, without further adieu, I present to you your fellow human being’s biased points of view.
Categories:
ALL YEAR!: 4
First Snowfall: 6
After Halloween: 7
Second Half of November up to Christmas: 3
After Thanksgiving: 15
Month of December: 1 or 2
Only at Christmas (a week before and up to Christmas): 1 or 2
Never!: just 1
No Preference: just 1
Now that you have seen the results, do keep in mind this is not a democracy, so, majority is not deemed ruler over all answers. AKA, those who want to wait until after Thanksgiving to listen to Christmas music are… well, you get the point.
(P.S. I was going to list the stats out with the people’s names next to their desired time frame, but there were some certain fun suckers out there that said they would withdraw their answers if they didn’t remain anonymous. *cough* Luke Mayhew *cough*
Whew, I must be coming down with something. You know, Christmas might be in the air, but so are cold ensuing bacteria. Stay healthy!)
By Grace Meyer
The Gerbitz residence is always pretty bumpin during the holiday season. First off, let me make it clear that my parents are pretty old-fashioned. We kids on the other hand, not so much. Now that my siblings live all over the country it's pretty rare that all five of us kids see each other. It's even more rare that my parents (John and Chris), my oldest sister Becky with her husband and daughter, Hannah with her husband, Sarah with her husband, and Rachel (We don't call her significant other family yet.), are all together at one time. So Christmas is pretty special when we all get to be together. That being said, even at Christmas we don't always all get to be together.
To get us all in the season we have a baking day, usually a couple of Saturdays before Christmas. We listen to Christmas music while making all of our favorite goodies including: cut out cookies, gingerbread cookies, spritz, mint brownies, chocolate covered ritz and peanut butter, chocolate covered pretzels, and whatever random new recipe my mom seems to try each year.
We always go to church on Christmas Eve, even though church is an hour away. After church, we come home, get out all our Christmas baking and eat good stuff while we open presents. We draw names because no one wants to get more than ten people presents. On Christmas Day, we go to church in the morning, come home, eat a huge meal, take the Gerbitz nap, and maybe playa game like Settlers of Catan or Shanghai. Then everyone heads home and we go back to everyday life.
CHRISTMAS AT THE GERBITZ'S
By Josh Gerbitz
All the Christmas classic, and not so classic, songs you won’t be able to get out of your head.
Country:
1. O Holy Night - Home Free
2. I’ll Be Home for Christmas - Rascal Flatts
3. Do You Hear What I Hear - Carrie Underwood
4. Let It Be Christmas - Alan Jackson
5. Winter Wonderland - Brett Eldredge
Pop:
1. All I Want For Christmas is You - Mariah Carey
2. Little Saint Nick - Beach Boys
3. What Christmas Means to Me - Train
4. Mary, Did You Know? - Pentatonix
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
- Michael Buble
Classics:
1. Joy to the World - Nat King Cole
2. Christmas Time is Here, Linus and Lucy
- Vince Guaraldi Trio
3. The First Noel - Frank Sinatra
4. A Holly Jolly Christmas - Burl Ives
5. Hark the Herald Angels Sing - Bing Crosby
Christian Contemporary:
1. What a Glorious Night - Sidewalk Prophets
2. You’re Here - Francesca Battistelli
3. Silent Night (Emmanuel) - Matt Maher
4. Come Now Our King - Chris August
5. O Come, O Come Emmanuel - Bebo Norman
By Cassidy Noeldner
Stuck in your eggNOGGIN
By Brynn Schierenbeck
CRAZY DREAMS
Brynn Schierenbeck - One time, I had just seen the movie "Krampus" and I had cried during that movie so then I had a nightmare about Krampus stealing my family and eating them, but then it turned into this weird festival at Santa's toy shop and all the elves were dancing around my screaming family singing "Santa Claus is coming to Town." Then Santa burst out of his office and yelled in a Shrek voice, "WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' IN MY SWAMP?" Then I woke up in tears.
Grace Meyer - I was dreaming and I found myself in the AC, and I ran into Erica and she gave me these crazy eyes and then her head turned into a cat. So I kept walking and I went into the computer lab. I found that all of the other people's heads were also cats and dogs and horses. Then I woke up and I was standing in the middle of my floor.
Jadyn Karow - One time I was dreaming and I ran into Charlie Brown and we hit it off so we went on a few dates. Then he invited me over for a Christmas like in the movie so we all joined hands around the raggedy Christmas tree and sang that one "Christmas Time is Here." song. That's the story of how I had my first kiss with Charlie Brown.
​
THINGS HEARD AROUND CAMPUS
1. "His mother was secretly orange juice." - Mason Garvens
2. "I cut off one hand and have eleven fingers on the other." - Aric Reim
3. "You smell like the tea I had this morning" - Cassidy Noeldner
4. "Last night I had a really aggressive thumb war and I think I broke my thumb." - Jadyn Karow
5. "Let's just make a thick piece of bread and poke a hole through it so it's like a donut." - Jillian Gamble
6. "Don't say anything with H, like jalapeno." - Lily Meyer
7. "That small white car looks like Clifford." - Linsey Sydow
8. "Saint Nick and Santa are the same thing???" - Melanie Gerbitz
9. "This says noodles in Braille." - Lily Meyer
10. "*violently yelling* OM-E-LETS." - Prof Lau
11. "I want to see a honey badger kick the snot out of a lion." - Jared Mueller
12. "If someone peed on your phone would it fall off like a wart?" - Melanie Gerbitz
13. "On a scale of 1-10, you're 10% dumb!" - Byron Acha
14. "It's not a sin; it's a fish." - Prof Reim
15. "What's a snowball?" - Henry Lau
By Brynn Schierenbeck
Well, I don’t know about you, but when I’m driving in a car over Christmas break, I take pleasure in looking outside the window and observing, critiquing, and enjoying certain unique decorations outside people’s houses. I’m going to give you my brutally honest critique on these types of Christmas decorations.
First of all, anything outdoor inflatable makes me extremely anxious. I don’t exactly know why. An inflatable snowman just looks out-of-place on a person’s lawn, and for goodness sake’s people - IT’S WINTER. Every time an inflatable snowman or santa claus blows in the wind, I just get furious from my OCD. Do you really expect that inflatable to just stare peacefully? I don’t think so.
Now, on the other hand, I love the outdoor decorations with lights. They are still. They are quiet. They do not get blown away by the wind. Paradise. Sometimes they look a bit strange, but other than that they are perfect.
When you are indoors, anything with wreaths and red bows is fantastic. If you could add a little candy cane in there too that would be great. I don’t know about you guys, but my family doesn’t appreciate nutcrackers. I don’t know why, but they remind me of dolls, and dolls lead to Coraline, and you can probably figure out the rest. So I don’t see a single nutcracker in any of my relative’s houses. Stockings, on the other hand, are wonderful. Keep putting up stockings. Nothing more needs to be said.
One more thing--DON’T buy bedding specific for Christmas. That’s just ludicrous. A rug or a tablecloth is fine. But bedding?! What a waste of money. Oh, and please don’t buy those matching Christmas pajamas for your entire family. Maybe it’s just me, but even just seeing those in the magazines makes me cringe.
There’s my take on Christmas decorations. Have a good Christmas!
CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS
By Miriam Whitenight
STOCKING STUFFERS
Over the years Christmas traditions have piled high to the point that we probably find ourselves unable to remember most of them until the happy holiday season rolls around again. However, one Christmas tradition I am sure you have been thinking about all year long is opening your stocking on Christmas Day. For many of you I am sure this is not the case. Over the years stockings have become a bit of an afterthought. Parents purchase pointless knick knacks to fill countless stockings, which will excite their children for a mere second before they are broken, devoured, or tossed aside to make way for the bigger gifts that lie under the tree. It is most certainly easy to be let down by this Christmas tradition. The gifts inside this “sock” are most often cheap and useless, and as you get older, stockings will, or have probably become, more of a decoration than another opportunity to give. This is not to say stockings go completely unappreciated. Certain items stuffed into this oversized stocking definitely do add to the excitement of our holiday season. For one, chocolate has positive effects on most, as do candy canes and many other types of sugary edibles used for our holiday celebration. Some years you may find socks, mittens, or even a generous gift card stuffed within its depths. These gifts may be small, but they are enjoyable to receive and an easy way to show your appreciation for your loved ones. However, this holiday season, despite what you may or may not find inside your stocking, keep your spirits high and do not let these meaningless traditions get in the way of the true reason people like you and me celebrate during this time of year.
By Melanie Gerbitz
From what I read, Christmas lights originated from lights being hung on trees as a symbol for Christ being the light of the world, and started in early modern Germany (1500-1650).
Personally, I think Christmas lights are very pretty, but they are such a pain to put up. It was so much fun as a 10-year-old being able to climb the ladder at my Grandma and Grandpa’s, just hanging the Christmas light hooks, but now it is such a pain. They always get stuck, they’re hard to put in the hooks, and don’t even get me started on trying to get them untangled.
As far as color, the top 5 colors ranked are red, green, white (clear), blue, and gold. Personally, I don’t exactly see the purpose of white lights, but every other color is fine.
Another popular display that has to do with lights are Christmas light shows. Combining music and lights is just extremely fun to watch. Please, if you ever visit Fond du Lac, WI, check out the one over by Lakeside Park. It’s fabulous.
That’s about all I have to say about Christmas lights. Have fun enjoying them this Christmas!
CHRISTMAS LIGHTS
By Miriam Whitenight
Fake News
(PS: That means it's all made up. No connections to any characters or events, fictional or real.)
with Nathan Buck
2018 ILC Winter Olympics Summary
Winter is here, and so are the quadrennial Winter Olympics! Held this year in the idyllic mountain-scape of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, and nestled in the tall green pines of Immanuel Lutheran campus, the Olympics draw the world's best athletes from countries around the world, as well as thousands of spectators and fans.
This year was no exception. With a record turnout in fan attendance, this year was sure to be an exciting show of raw sportsmanship and unmatched athleticism.
This year, the Olympic games dedication ceremony remembered Noah Sydow, who is still trapped in rubble, somewhere. Following a moment of silence for Noah, we were witness to the absolutely mind-blowing opening ceremony and the emotional and passionate speech by the President of the International Olympic Committee, Dave Rodebaugh, on the importance of the games throughout the centuries:
"In the past, a bunch of naked Greeks competed in these games. But we now stand here, linked arm in arm, as sappy trumpet music plays, and for what? A bunch of medals? I say NO. You're not ancient Greeks! You're here to learn. Open your biology textbooks to page…"
After Rodebaugh's eloquent speech, the ILHS Band played the official song of the 2018 Olympics, "Crazy Train", by Ozzy Osbourne, and world famous Immanuel alumni Darin Lau ran up and lit the torch, signaling the start of the games, to the thunderous applause of as many people as could fit in the small gym (approximately 250).
As the games progressed, courage and dedication was shown. But a couple of athletes and situations stood out.
In Alpine Skiing, the world watched in earnest as Germany's Adrie von Falkenberg raced Swedish world champion Morgan Bobek. Both, however, were soundly defeated by a rookie from Australia, Lily Meyer, who took home gold.
Said Meyer: "I really can't even believe this happened! We have no snow in Australia, so I've actually never skied on snow before...but this was fun."
Meanwhile, across the giant ILC Olympics complex, the Bobsleigh race was underway. Norway's Timothy Petersen and Canada's Megan Johnston were crowd favorites. However, the newbie from Azerbaijan, Melanie Gerbitzah, took gold and the hearts of the audience when she blew a raspberry and raced past both across the finish line, then face planted into a snowbank.
In the biathlon, reigning world champion, Russia's Marisa Konshak defended her title when she skied to her shooting post, shot a black bear and roasted it on a fire, and then raced to victory two minutes ahead of the next finisher.
In the realm of snowboarding, we saw the first place contestant from Ireland, Suraya Williams, injured in a nasty collision with an abominable snowman that wandered onto the track, allowing the United Kingdom's Rachel Maldonado and Iceland's Ethan Sydow to take gold and silver, respectively.
In an amazing turn of events, every single athlete competing in the ski jump was suspended when a test came up positive for honey packets. Currently, the Olympic Games Committee is investigating a ring of smuggled cafeteria food at the Olympic gym stadium, including the acquisition and mishandling of cranberries.
However, this scandal failed to overshadow the amazing accomplishments of these talented young athletes.
In the penguin-throw, Miriam Whitenight of Ghana scored a record-setting 5,909 penguins thrown in three minutes. She was the only competitor entered.
Critics commended the gorgeously choreographed figure skating dance by Romanian skater Seth Miller, whose flawless grace on the ice and mid-routine release of pure white doves elicited oohs and awws from the crowd, and caused every woman present to cry tears of joy.
While Miller's routine drew cheers, even more stunning was Austria's skating pair Grant Schwartz and Austin Karrow, whose dynamic and beautiful flair in performing a flawless triple-axel waist lift was an amazing feat.
Because of space, many other events could not here be featured, such as: ice hockey, ice speed skating, ice soccer, ice fencing, ice rugby, ice basketball, ice quidditch, ice swimming, ice eating, ice creaming, ice cubing, ice icing, and lathering a wet seal with oil.
Also due to Flash space constraints, I must conclude in doge:
What year! So Olympic. Very sports. Much ice.
This and more, next time on Fake News.
By Nate Buck
Dungeons and Dragons #3
Dungeons and Dragons: How the Dwarf Stole Christmas
(Note: This story is entirely made up; resemblances to any D&D characters is completely coincidental.)
It was quiet on the mountain except for the trudging of two wanderers’ feet in the snow. The travelers - an old gnome tinker and a younger halfling adventurer - were crossing the mountain to visit some friends who were waiting for them on the other side. Due to a late start, they found themselves halfway through the mountain and it was almost dark.
“Look up there!” the halfling, Perrin was his name, called out, pointing to the mouth of a cave nearby. The gnome, named Gerron, grumbled, “About time we found a cave. My ears are half-frozen.” The two of them stumbled into the shelter and backed away from the snowy entrance. The two of them started a small fire, and they listened to the wind howl outside.
Disgusted by the silence from his gnomish friend, Perrin finally broke the silence.
“How about we make up stories?” he asked.
“You want to what now?” Gerron asked. The halfling nodded his head.
“You know, so when we get to the city, we’ll already have jokes and humorous stories to tell?” the dwarf let out some mumbles and some little complaints to himself and said, “Very well. How about you start?” Perrin looked at their little fire, then he looked outside at the snow, then he looked back at Gerron.
“How about an old, fat, jolly, white-bearded dwarf that sneaks into people’s houses and leaves them gifts?”
“Har, har,” Gerron grumbled. He sat up. “How about a little hobbit thief who always stole from people at a Winter Festival, then shined them up and returned them?” Perrin returned a sarcastic laugh.
“And what if this fat, jolly dwarf rode in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer?” the halfling threw back at him.
“Nonsense!” the dwarf replied. “He’d have to be some wizard or sorcerer to have such ridiculous steeds!” They both looked at each other, then began to laugh. “These flying reindeer of this dwarf’s,” Gerron asked, “did they have shiny red noses?”
“One of them,” Perrin laughed between giggles. “He was called “Rudolph.”” That sent the both of them laughing even harder.
“And he had elves the size of us load his sleigh with the gifts!” Gerron cried out, laughing harder still.
“But he only gave gifts to the nice families,” Perrin said more seriously. Gerron asked “Where did this dwarf put these gifts?”
“Why, he’d have to put them in the stockings above the fireplaces in the homes! They’d never miss them there!” They both laughed at this.
“What if they had no fireplace?”
“Well, then he’d leave them near the family’s stove!” They both continued to laugh so hard that they almost fell over.
“What is this fellow’s name?” Gerron asked. “How about ‘Borren Givvn?’”
“No, not quite,” Perrin answered. A smile appeared on the edges of his mouth. “‘Santa?’” The gnome fell over laughing.
“What a humorous name,” he laughed. The two of them continued to make up this character and ended up naming him “Santa Claus,” a funny name to both of them. They continued this joke of theirs until they both fell asleep by the fire.
When the two of them awoke, they saw the sun shining into the cave and reflecting off the snow. As they prepared to leave, they noticed a small bag on the cave’s floor. The two of them opened it up and found some fresh fruit and some winter coats. In the coat pockets they found some gold coins. Besides all of this, they found a letter. They opened it, and it read:
“Thank you for the stories; they were most accurate.-S.C.”
By Zach Strike
1. Dogs get presents delivered from whom on Christmas?
2. What does December have that no other month has?
3. What does ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ say?
4. What do you say to a stressed snowman?
5. A snowman on roller blades is called what?
6. Why did Santa get lost?
7. What has no teeth, but bites?
8. Where does Santa keep his red suit?
9. Name two letters that describe a sidewalk that’s slippery.
10. What do snowmen ride?
11. When you cross a Christmas tree and an apple, what do you get?
12. You get what when you cross Santa with a duck?
13. How many seconds are in December?
14. Name two words that describe Santa’s sack the day after Christmas.
15. You get what when you cross a Christmas carol and money?
16. What type of ball does not bounce?
17. The end of Christmas is what?
18. What does Santa plant in the fall?
19. When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
20. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked up in the sky?
21. Which one of Santa's reindeer can you see in outer space?
22. What is one of the best presents you can receive for Christmas?
23. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas?
24. What do they sing at a snowman's birthday party?
25. Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
May everyone get home safely this Christmas and have a wonderful time with family and friends! Have fun with these; you can expect to see the answers next year! ;)
By Megan Johnston
MEGAN'S MYSTERIES
By Aric Reim
Those are the words for “Merry Christmas” in Motu, one of the three official languages of Papua New Guinea. And the phrase may be more common there than one might expect. According to the U.S. Department of State, ninety-six percent of the population of Papua New Guinea professes to be Christian. Twenty percent professes to be Evangelical Lutheran. In light of this great example of the grace of God and in this festive season, it seems like a good time to stand back and see how our counterparts around the world celebrate the birth of our Savior.
In Papua, New Guinea, the first coming of the Lord is honored with family gatherings and special food which is common to their island and culture. Although Christmas is not universally celebrated even in this overwhelmingly Christian country, flowers will be strewn in the cities at this time of year to decorate and spread good cheer, like Christmas lights only not lights, flowers. Like most everyone, the people of the island love to sing and enjoy English and Australian carols, many of which are also in our own holiday repertoire. (English is also one of their official languages)
In South Africa, which is about eighty percent Christian, according to the U.S. Department of State, Christmas is celebrated with outdoor dinners and pine boughs adorning the houses. In Cape Town, blazing Christmas lights swing from eave to rooftop like glowing angels heralding salvation’s dawn. Geseënde Kersfees! (That’s “Merry Christmas” in Afrikaans).
But even in a country where Christians are not a majority, but rather a maltreated minority, they still refuse to let Christmas go by unmarked. In China, where Christians make up about one percent of the total population, special services are held in Christian churches which are often packed to capacity. In Christian homes loud praises are sung to usher in the happy day. Indeed, not all the wrath of the devil and the world can quench their God-sent faith. Shèngdàn jié kuàilè (“Merry Christmas,” Simplified Chinese).
God truly has graciously provided for His people in every blessing, and in the gift of our Savior on the first Christmas Day. Praise Him who preserves and protects His church not only here in the Americas, not only in the lands of the vignettes above, but all throughout the earth.
Merry Christmas! (That one’s English).
MOALE KERISMASI
