In New Hampshire, incumbent Senator Kaitlyn Berman was soundly defeated by her political rival Stephen Krause. Berman spoke to crying supporters, saying, "I was elected on the promise to give every student a free Audi R8 532-hp Coupe. And . . . well . . . I didn't."

In Ohio's middle election, Representative Dannie Gamble won reelection over the well-funded upstart politician Emma Bailey, whose campaign raised over 500 million dollars and several giant statues of her made out of gold. Gamble stated her first plans would be to increase ILC's military budget to fund the purchase of F-16 jet fighters that Paul Heinze and John Fox can use to defend the grounds. Bailey plans to retire in style and filthy rich.

Northernmost, where Maine Senator Ashton Loomis recently stepped down, three candidates duked it out, but only one took the prize. Maine Attorney General Brynn Schierenbeck and State Assemblyman Sherman Kettner were both defeated yesterday by a garbage truck driver from East Augusta, Tim Oster. Said Oster: "Just yesterday I was scooping trash and rotten food out of a dumpster. By tomorrow, I'll be doing the same in Congress." Oster also plans on enforcing mandatory food eating competitions.

Meanwhile in North Dakota, Representative Byron Acha won reelection by a narrow margin: .000007%. Acha's platform was that if he was elected, there'd just be lots of dank memes. He defeated challenger Josie Vaver, who has vowed to fight the ruling and call for a recount, and claims that if Acha is elected, that the entire state will be cursed with 7 years of famine.

Out in New York's 1st Congressional District, quantum physicist Scott Lillo was defeated by longtime leader Jacob Hammond in a landslide victory. Hammond attributed the loss to comments he made earlier in the year criticizing President Plath in which he said the President was, quote, "severely unfit for office due to his fondness for apple strudel, which costs taxpayers 3.2 million dollars every year."

Caleb Gantt declared himself the winner of California's Senate race over Levi Wittorp, but two days before the Tuesday election. He was then soundly defeated, probably as a result of his concept of a free-market system where students could barter for Chapel snacks and answers to tests. Instead, voters seemed to support the campaign of Wittorp who promised to be sneaky and sly to slowly institute a series of aggressive, authoritarian reforms in a bid for absolute power, organizing the Republic into the First Galactic Empire and hunting down all remaining Jedi by the end of his first term in office.

Missouri turned interesting as the two candidates for Senate entered on the ballot, Matt Radermacher and Malaena Buck, were both defeated by a write-in candidate, Paul Schaller. Over 300,000 people wrote in Schaller's name in an effort to keep him from going into retirement. When asked about his upset victory, he said, "What? This the first time I've heard of this. Shoot . . . and just when I'm about to retire!" He then started running due east, and hasn't stopped since. He's been recently sighted outside of Memphis, Tennessee, reportedly headed towards the coast, where he plans to catch a boat to an island in Fiji.

In Wyoming, ranchers Annie Oster and Joel Kuehne both lost on Tuesday. Once again, there is no Senator from Wyoming since the only two people in Wyoming are those two ranchers running against each other for Senate.

Perhaps the most closely watched gubernatorial race of the year happened in Florida, where former Miami mayor Suraya Williams faced billionaire Kaylee Koenig over taking the coveted Governor's mansion.  Koenig barely squeaked by with 50% of the vote to Williams's 49%. The entire race was a hostile one in which the two contestants threw pies at each other during debates, repeatedly toilet papered each other's houses, and called each other such derogatory names as "Lyin' Kid", "Mean Steve", "Kale-Eating Wombat", "Priestly, Overgrown Bumpkin from a Place of Dank Memes", and "Vehement Glob of Unrefined Duck Sauce". Over ten million viewers watched the results of this election Tuesday night, mostly to hear the insults.

Finally, in Texas, the issue of immigration loomed big as oil tycoon Anthony Garibay opposed incumbent and 7-term politician Jonah Mueller for Texas's 3rd District. Garibay came out ahead for his policies on immigration, having said: "Immigration is a real problem here. Do you realize how hard it is to limit the amount of Naumanns streaming over the border? I mean, statistically speaking, at any point in time, 1% of all Naumanns are crossing over the border into ILC's territory. That's about 789 Naumanns every day. Every once-in-awhile, a Sydow hops over too! All-in-all, over 203,900 Naumanns and Sydows enter Immanuel illegally every year. We must build a wall." Mueller was criticized for the opinion that the border walls currently protecting the lower baseball and softball fields are fine. Garibay argued that one well-placed Noah Sydow with a battering ram could easily puncture a hole in either of the lower field walls.

All across the campus, new officials were elected and old defeated. What an election Tuesday! But such is the way of Democracy, and despite changes, the new Student Government will convene shortly. It will work tirelessly to solve the many problems facing ILC, including the issues of hunger, sleep deprivation, and Daniel Hein Being too cool for school (#DH2COOL).
The ILHS House meets tomorrow in Ingram, while the ILHS Senate meets in the Capitol building in Washington, D.C.