Presidential Debates: How I’d Fix it
If you are like me, you were one of over 18 million people who tuned in to the first debate. If you are like me, you believe that the debate was quite flawed. I’d like to fix it, with these rules in mind:
The following changes are primarily for entertainment value.
They will also attempt to maintain some sense of meaningfulness for the debates (More or less) (Not really)
The Changes
Option 1: The debate moderator shall be granted a fire hose with which to discipline the candidates.
Option 2: The candidates shall be fitted with shock collars so that they can be disciplined by the moderator.
You know how your crazy aunt disciplines her cats with a spray bottle? This is just like that, but strong personalities call for strong discipline. Poor Lester Holt got treated like a speedbump during the Indy 500, and this injustice calls for a dramatic change.
The candidates shall be required to take the stage void of all makeup.
Corollary: The debates shall not be broadcasted in HD
The voters of America deserve to see the actual faces of those who may be the new face of our great nation. However, I don’t think anyone really needs a high-definition close up look at either of the two candidates.
The candidates shall debate on one random non-politics-related subject in every debate.
We know that these candidates know their political stuff (or at least they sound like they do). I don’t know about you, but I’d like to hear how in-tune with the entertainment and sports industries the candidates are. Does Hillary think Mike Trout or Bryce Harper is better? Does Hillary know that Mike Trout isn’t a type of seafood? Does “The Donald” prefer the artistic stylings of the Chainsmokers or that of Shawn Mendes? Or is he a country music fan? These are the answers America deserves to hear.
The debates shall be held with an audience of college athletes
It’s all fine and good that the crowd should be full of people who are interested in politics and who will willingly muffle
their reactions, but how fun would it be if the crowd lost its collective mind, such as college basketball benches are known to do?
I think it is highly unlikely any of these changes are adopted, but I hope that whatever committee controls the debate will at least take the fire hose/shock collar suggestion into consideration.
Your friend,
Jonathan Gamble