How to Speak Baseball
Mr. Webster and Mr. Merriam may have got you thinking that you know the English language pretty well. But that may not really be the case. This month, I’d like to teach you how to speak a special dialect of our fine language: Baseball. Play ball!
Bush League \bush leeg\ adj. 1: A negative term used to describe poor baseball or sportsmanship. Ex: That team is so bush league. They hit batters on purpose!
Chair \chair\ n 1: a curveball. Ex: Seth yelled, “Throw ‘im a chair!” When there were two strikes on the batter.
Chin Music \chin mew-zic\ n 1: a fastball thrown inside and high, near the batter’s chin. Ex: Levi threw the batter some chin music just to show him who’s boss.
Dinger \ding-er\ n 1: a home run. Ex: The power hitter hit a towering dinger far over the fence.
Eephus Pitch \ee-fiss pitch\ n 1: A pitch lobbed to the plate at an astonishingly slow speed. Ex: With Jon on the mound, Seth yelled “Give ‘im the eephus!”
Golden Sombrero \goal-den some-brair-oh\ n. 1: A batter is said to have gotten a “golden sombrero” if he strikes out a ghastly four times in one game. Ex: After striking out four times in one game, [redacted]’s teammates mocked him with cheers about his golden sombrero.
Look What I Found \look wut eye fownd\ excl. 1: An exclamatory phrase used to mock a fielder who “finds” the ball in his glove after catching it without looking. Ex: After the hard line drive somehow stuck in Levi’s glove as he flailed wildly at it, Jon yelled, “Look what I found!”
Paint the Corner \paint the core-ner\ v 1: when a pitcher throws a strike right on the edge of the plate, he is said to have “painted the corner.” Ex: Look at that pitcher paint the corner for strike three.
Rembrandt \rem-brant\ n 1: A pitcher who “paints the corner” quite often. Ex: Look at him paint the corners. What a Rembrandt!
Room Service \room sir-viss\ excl. 1: An exclamatory phrase used to describe a batted or thrown ball that takes an easy hop into a fielder’s glove. Ex: After the ball took a strange bounce right up into Joey’s glove, James yelled, “Room service!”
Sloppy Tater \slop-pee tay-ter\ n 1: Another word for home run. Ex: Sam launched a big ol’ sloppy tater right over the fence.